


Reunion

by Loopstagirl



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-31
Updated: 2016-03-20
Packaged: 2018-04-29 03:29:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 36,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5114315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Loopstagirl/pseuds/Loopstagirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He had left high school behind him. Merlin didn't want to go to the reunion. He just didn't realise it would send his life into a whirlwind of emotions he had left behind.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [High School Reunion](https://archiveofourown.org/works/791552) by [Loopstagirl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Loopstagirl/pseuds/Loopstagirl). 



> Disclaimer: I own nothing, all rights belong to their respective owners. 
> 
> This was another one that started off as a drabble and I got the idea into my head and it exploded. Hope you like it!

“Merlin!”

Merlin smiled as he weaved around a few people and ducked past another couple. He pulled Gwen into a warm hug as soon as he was in reach though. It didn’t feel like nearly ten years since he had last seen her. It barely felt like ten minutes. She returned the gesture just as warmly and Merlin knew she felt the same as him.

“How are you?” She asked as she pulled back. Her eyes were soft and concerned as they looked him up and down. Merlin grinned, holding out his arms in a pretend display. Gwen blushed prettily and Merlin’s grin widened. She hadn’t changed.

“I’m great,” he said. The lie came naturally to him. He wasn’t _bad_ , he just didn’t want to go into the fact that he was still single, turned down a promotion and had desperately tried to squirm his way out of coming. His mother had practically guilt tripped him though and when his uncle Gaius had had his say, Merlin had no choice. But his old school friends didn’t need to know that. The fact that Gwen bought his lie was Merlin’s first sign that ten years really had passed. He would have never been able to slip one past her at school.

“And you,” he continued. His eyes glanced down and his smile softened. “You are married. Congratulations.”

He pulled her into another hug and Gwen was beaming when they broke apart.

“Do I know him?”

“I should think so, you sat next to me for three years in chemistry.”

Merlin turned to see a tall, brown-eyed handsome man standing behind him, drinks in either hand.

“Lance.” Merlin slapped his old friend on the back. “I should have known. If anyone was going to have the fairytale, it was you two. Sweethearts at school, married in life. Congratulations.”

“What about you?” Lancelot asked, handing his wife a drink. Merlin shrugged, sticking is hands in his pockets. His fingers twitched at the thought of wrapping them around a pint. It might make the evening go quicker.

“Living back in the city,” Merlin said. He knew he was avoiding the question. But his love life was none of their business and he knew they were not the type to pry. At least, they hadn’t been. But although Lancelot frowned – clearly seeing through Merlin’s attempt to duck away – Gwen gasped.

“He came. I didn’t think he would, not now he has so much money and such an extravagant lifestyle.”

Merlin had his back to where Gwen was looking. But cold sweat ran down his back. He knew who she was talking about. Gaius had promised there was very little chance of him showing up. It was just Merlin’s luck.

“And he has brought her… That Vivian. His trophy wife, that’s what everyone says.”

“Now, Gwen, I’m sure she is lovely,” Lancelot chided. He moved closer to Gwen, slipping his arm around her.

“I heard she turned down his first proposal because the ring wasn’t big enough,” Gwen continued. Her eyes were sparkling with gossip but Merlin knew she meant none of it maliciously. Gwen wasn’t capable of being mean to anyone, even accidentally. Still, his hands closed into fists and when Lancelot frowned at him in confusion, he knew the tension running through his body was obvious.

He could do this. It had been ten years. He had moved on – a long time ago. He had a life now. Merlin turned.

It was painful, like someone had kicked him in the stomach.  He was still gorgeous. Ten fucking years and Merlin’s dick still stirred at the sight of Arthur Pendragon.

He was dressed in smart trousers and a shirt. The same as everyone else. Yet not the same. There was no denying his was at least twice the price. But he wore the clothes with ease, with a confidence that Merlin knew was a front. At least, it always had been.

_His hands twisted in Arthur’s tie, yanking him close. Arthur stumbled, bumping into the desk as he chased the kisses eagerly, causing Merlin to laugh, his giggles being soaked up by Arthur’s skin._

“He looks good, doesn’t he? The lifestyle obviously suits him.”

“Hm.” Merlin didn’t know what to say. He looked away again but then was unable to resist another glance. Arthur had lost weight… Then he turned his back. He had to pull himself together. Arthur wasn’t worth it. Not again. He had his trophy wife, after all.

“Don’t you two keep in touch? I thought you would have, you were always so… well, close at school.”

Merlin snorted. Gwen was trying to be tactful. Everyone knew that he and Arthur had been more than close. They had almost been caught enough times.

_“Eager today, are we?” Arthur murmured, nipping Merlin’s ear as Merlin struggled to undo his trousers. He wriggled them down his legs, jumping back to sit on the desk and yanked Arthur closer, kissing him again as he started to work on Arthur’s fly._

_“They check the rooms more often now.”_

“Merlin?”

“I think I’m going to get a drink,” Merlin muttered. He forced a smile onto his face. “Do you two want anything?”

He was glad when they said no, gesturing to the full drinks in their hands. He nodded and slipped into the crowd, moving towards the bar. It was quieter now, most people were catching up with long lost friends. Sliding onto a bar stool, he looked around at Arthur again. The blond was surrounded by people, no doubt fawning over him with the hope he would invite them onto his yatch. Merlin shook his head. Arthur had hated his father’s wealth and how it set him aside. He didn’t seem to mind now the money was his.

Ordering his drink, Merlin told himself to stop being so bitter. The last he had heard, Arthur was one of the most successful lawyers in the city. He had earned that money. Just because Merlin was happy walking the beat didn’t mean that other people hadn’t chased promotion. Taking the offered drink, he slipped his money over the bar and closed his eyes, resting his forehead on the coolness of the glass.

_His back was against the desk, his legs wrapped around Arthur’s waist._

_“Are you ready?”_

_Merlin whined in response. Arthur had already been fingering him open for the last five minutes and he was desperate for more. The other boy laughed, taking his time as he rolled on a condom. As Merlin opened his mouth to complain, Arthur surged forward and Merlin saw stars as his head thunked back against the desk._

The noise was getting louder now as people drank more and more. Drinks were passed around Merlin yet no one engaged him in conversation. He knew it was his fault. He wasn’t exactly being sociable. His mother was going to kill him if she found out. Forcing Arthur from his head and a fake smile onto his face, Merlin stood up and began the tedious process of mingling.

It was amazing how many people he didn’t remember. A name would ring a bell and he would stare at the face in front of him. Nimueh had turned into a stunning woman but the smirk on her face was still as vicious as it had always been. Merlin steered clear of her. She had never had a reason to mock him at school, not considering who he hung around with. But he knew he had `loser` plastered across his forehead now and he had no intention of breaking his track record of avoiding her.

He also avoided Morgana, despite her waving frantically at him. She was a few years younger, but it came as no surprise she had managed to get into the party. With a big brother like Arthur, no one was going to say no to her. But she seemed to know everyone, surrounded by a group of people hanging off her every word and it meant she couldn’t come after him as Merlin slipped away. There was a time when he had known Morgana well, sharing her wicked sense of humour – often at Arthur’s expense – when he had gone around there after school for a `study` session.

He wasn’t quick enough to avoid Leon. The man just appeared out of nowhere and Merlin had to stop sharply in order to avoid crashing into him. Leon turned, an apology on his lips that morphed into a grin when he saw who it was.

“Merlin! How are you? I hear you are back in the city for good this time.”

“Who-?” Merlin trailed off. No doubt that Leon had already been speaking to Gwen and Lancelot while Merlin had been skulking around the edge of the room. He forced himself to smile.

“I am. How about you?”

He managed to pass the time relatively quickly. Halfway through the conversation, Merlin realised he was actually enjoying himself. Leon was a good man and he had done well for himself. He was also the first to congratulation Merlin on fulfilling his dreams to become a police officer. Merlin found his smile had softened to a genuine one and he wasn’t trying to think of an excuse when Leon mentioned they should meet up as a smaller group. Merlin, Leon, Lancelot, Gwen and Morgana. The old group. And, of course, Arthur.

Merlin’s breath caught.

“I assume the two of you stayed in touch?” Leon said. He meant it innocently but there was a cold twist in Merlin’s stomach. He shrugged, hoping it seemed natural.

“No, actually. Funny how things work, isn’t it? New life, new people and the old just disappears.”

“Really? Out of everyone, I would have said that you two would have kept in contact.”

“Maybe I just grew up. Would you excuse me?” Merlin pushed past, aware that Leon looked a little shocked. That had been uncalled for. But he couldn’t help it. He didn’t blame Leon – he would have assumed that out of their whole group, it would have been him and Arthur. A tingle down the back of his neck made him turn and he looked back. Leon had turned to talk to someone… He had turned to talk to Arthur. As Merlin looked over, Arthur looked up. Their eyes met briefly and Merlin quickly turned back again. He had seen all he needed to know in that look. Arthur had heard him and agreed. They had grown up. There was no time for the past any longer.

Merlin downed his drink and moved across to the bar. He needed another.

“Here alone, Merlin?” The voice was a purr and Merlin groaned.

“Good to see you too, Nimueh.”

“Not here to arrest me, are you?”

“Why? Should I?” Merlin hated the way she sneered as she spoke. As if the fact he had worked his arse off to get where he was now was something to be looked down on. He forced himself to stand straight and tall. He had nothing to be ashamed off and he was damned if he let her make him feel like that.

“I don’t know.” Nimueh’s hand came to rest on his arm and Merlin realised that she was here alone as well. It seemed she had plans to be leaving with someone though. “I’ve been a very naughty girl.”

“I have to go,” Merlin said. He pulled her talons free from his arm, slid his empty glass across the bar and headed towards the door. Then he stopped, cursing. Morgana was in front of it with a fresh lot of friends and Merlin knew full well he was never going to get out past her. Deciding he was nothing more than a coward, he turned and disappeared into the bathroom.

It was thankfully empty. Merlin shut himself in a stall, leant back against the door and resisted the urge to punch something. Letting the tension drain from his body, he shut his eyes and pinched the top of his nose with his thumb and forefinger.

_His legs slowly unwrapped from Arthur’s waist again and he grimaced at how sticky his stomach was. Both of them were panting and Arthur leant forward so that he could rest his head against Merlin’s chest. For a moment, they stayed still. Merlin’s hand had risen until it could stroke through Arthur’s sweaty hair._

_“Wait until my mum asks what I did at school today,” he murmured. Arthur shook with silent laughter._

_“Shouldn’t that be who you did?”_

_Merlin gave him a playful swat before a shadow cut through the blinds leading onto the corridor._

_“You locked the door, right?”_

_“They have keys,” Merlin murmured sleepily. Then he suddenly realised what he said and Arthur bolted upright._

_“Shit.”_

_The two scrambled for their clothes, diving for the window even as the sound of a key in the lock made them hurry. Merlin caught his leg on the windowsill and literally toppled out. Grateful they were on the ground floor and the soft grass cushioned his fall, he didn’t have time to catch his breath before Arthur was dragging him back against the wall to make sure they couldn’t be seen._

_Footsteps came and went and Merlin started laughing again._

_“Run!”_

Opening his eyes again, Merlin started to feel that his cheeks were wet. He angrily dashed away the tears, snatching at some toilet paper and blotting his face. He knew his eyes always went bright red whenever he cried. He would not give Nimueh the satisfaction of seeing that she was right – he was alone and that was how he had been since that fateful day when he had got on the train for university.

“Pull yourself together,” Merlin scolded himself. He unlocked the door, pleased to see the bathroom was still empty and splashed water on his face. He might not have lots of money and he might be single. But he had the job that he had always strived for, two gorgeous dogs and plenty of friends. He was just as good as any of them out there and better than Arthur Pendragon. No one had the right to make him feel like this and Merlin squared his shoulders.

But somehow, he couldn’t bring himself to turn and walk out of the room. His memories were playing tricks on him and as he stared in the mirror, he couldn’t help thinking of the last bathroom he had been in with Arthur. Clothes had been lost and just the memory of Arthur sucking him off was enough for Merlin to press a palm to his crotch.

He jolted and moved as the door opened.

“Ah, Merlin.” Lancelot smiled warmly as he set about doing what he came to do. Merlin followed suit – anything to avoid awkward questions and that drink had gone through him.

“Did Leon find you?” Lancelot continued. “He wants us to have a meet-up, the old gang.”

Merlin nodded but didn’t trust his voice to say anything. “How long have you and Gwen been married?” he eventually muttered.

“Five years next week. I can’t believe how time has flown. Even tonight has gone far too quickly – I would love to hear about everything you have been up to. You’re in the police now, aren’t you?”

Merlin nodded. “Walk the streets around here daily.”

“That sounds so much better than being in an office nine till five.” Lancelot zipped himself up and washed his hands. “Find me when you’re done, we’ll swap numbers and get something arranged.”

He was gone before Merlin even had the chance to think of a response. He slowly copied Lancelot’s actions and yet again found himself staring in the mirror.

“Fuck you,” he whispered, not being sure if he meant Arthur or himself. It had never crossed his mind how it would make him feel seeing the blond prat again. Even after ten years, it still felt as if it was only yesterday the last time he had seen the man.

“There was a time I would have taken you up on that offer without a second thought.”

Merlin spun around. His eyes went wide when he saw that Arthur was standing in front of him. Or rather, standing in such a position that Merlin couldn’t leave even if he wanted to. Who was he kidding; of course he wanted to. Arthur had broken his heart.

“Times change,” Merlin said shortly. He strode for the door. He was a policeman, for heaven’s sake. He could have Arthur on the floor in seconds if the man didn’t move out of his way. Merlin desperately tried to banish that thought from his mind, realising there was still a part of him that liked it. Arthur held out a hand, touching him lightly on the arm.

“It’s good to see you again, Merlin.” His voice was soft and sincere. There was no mocking smile, no apology in his eyes that gave any indication that he was aware of what he put Merlin through. Merlin saw red, shoving him lightly in the chest with both hands.

“Good to see me?” he growled, shoving Arthur again. He had no idea how their positions were reversed but he suddenly noticed that he was shoving him back into the bathroom. “You think you can say that to me like it wasn’t your fucking fault that we haven’t spoken for nearly ten years?”

“I…” Merlin didn’t want to hear what Arthur had to say. He was too late for apologies and Merlin wasn’t interested, anyway. He turned to leave, only Arthur caught his arm.

“Don’t walk away from me.”

“Or what?” Merlin mocked. The bitterness came easy. “I can floor you quicker than you can blink.”

He regretted the words instantly as Arthur swallowed, his gaze running up and down Merlin before glancing at the floor.

“Screw this.”

Arthur’s hand snaked around the back of his neck and before Merlin realised what was coming, he was being kissed. By the time his senses caught up with him, he was kissing Arthur back.


	2. Chapter 2

His hands were on Arthur’s chest but Merlin wasn’t pushing him away. Every time he exerted pressure and Arthur stumbled back, Merlin stepped forward. Arthur’s hands fisted in his shirt, making sure no more than a pace ever existed between them. It was only when Arthur let go to feel behind him did Merlin realise what he was doing.

Arthur pushed open the door to one of the stalls, dragging Merlin in with him. Quicker than Merlin could comprehend, the door was locked and Arthur reversed their positions. He was now the one pushing, holding Merlin back against the door as he pushed against him, licking his way into his mouth. Merlin tried to catch his breath – tried to clear his mind from the lust-filled fog - but it was hard when Arthur was grinding against him. He felt Arthur’s hands on his belt, opening his trousers, his hand reaching inside…

“Need you,” Arthur muttered. Merlin groaned when Arthur’s hand wrapped around him, one leg jerking as his eyes shut and his head hit the door.

“Wait…” Merlin tried to think straight. He was still angry at Arthur. The feelings that had driven him to the sanctuary of the bathroom in the first place were evidence of that. He knew he was going to regret this. But at the same time, it had been ten years and Arthur had just been thrust back into his life in such a way that Merlin couldn’t comprehend that he was here, let alone that this was happening.

“Why?” Arthur’s words were nothing more than a breath and it sent shivers down Merlin’s spine. It was enough for him to forget his reasoning and what he was about to say. Arthur’s lips left his and Merlin opened his eyes in time to realise Arthur was now on his knees in front of him. He looked up at him through his eyelashes and it hit Merlin like a blow to the stomach. Ten years had just melted away. They could be back at school if he shut his eyes. Arthur apparently was thinking the same thing for he smirked and moved closer.

“You haven’t changed,” he whispered into Merlin’s thigh. His lips touched and Merlin pushed him back. He was shaking as he yanked up his trousers again. Arthur looked confused and Merlin realised through his anger he still found that pout cute.

“I have changed.” He was angry; angrier than he had ever been. “And so have you. You’re married, for fuck’s sake. We’re not doing this.”

“Merlin…”

Merlin shook his head. Hands fumbling, he unlocked the door and finished buckling his belt. He stalked from the bathroom, through the crowd and out of the door. He didn’t look back. He didn’t want to see if Arthur would follow him. He didn’t want to see if he didn’t either. He didn’t know what he wanted.

Instead, he ignored the voices calling his name and broke into a run once he was sure no one could see him. He could imagine what Nimueh would make of that. But he couldn’t keep the pace up. His heart was thudding hard against his chest and it physically hurt to take a breath. Merlin knew he was fit – his job demanded it. If he continued to run while his head was in such a mess, he was going to hurt himself. He stopped running, but his walk was almost as fast.

As soon as the noise from the party dwindled to nothing, a tear fell down his face. Merlin angrily swiped it away. He almost wished someone had come after him so he could vent the emotions coursing through him. He _had_ changed. He was not the boy that Arthur had waved goodbye all those years ago. He had long since moved on, found (and lost) other relationships. But judging by the throbbing in his pants, his body still found Arthur as attractive as he had all those years ago.

He glared down at himself even as his walk slowed. He didn’t have far to go and he didn’t want to arrive home angry. If he did, Merlin knew there would be no calming down. He took in a deep breath, held it and slowly exhaled through his nose. He was trained in not letting situations get to him. He _had_ to calm down.

His tactics worked. By the time he was putting his key in the lock, his heart rate had returned to normal and his body had stopped reminding him how long it had been since he had last been laid. He took a final deep breath as he turned the lock. Arthur was just a man. He wasn’t a god. He didn’t have the right to make Merlin feel like this after so long but Merlin knew he was the one letting it happen. He had to get Arthur out of his head, and fast. He pushed open the door. The soft padding of feet greeted him and Merlin fondled Kilgarrah’s ears fondly.

“Hey, Kili,” he murmured. The Alsatian looked at him, head tilted to one side. Merlin smiled. He had taken in the retired police dog as soon as he heard he needed a home. Now, Kilgarrah was looked after at the training school while Merlin worked and then they came home together. The old dog neatly stepped to one side as Aithusa came skidding through, tumbling over his paws before jumping up at Merlin.

“Down,” he said sternly. Aithusa looked at him before leaping again. Somehow, Merlin had found himself adopting the puppy as well when Aithusa failed training. He too was looked after during the day but it meant Merlin always had his two most loyal friends with him when he got home. He told himself that the training would eventually pay off and Aithusa would do as he was told. But until then, Merlin couldn’t bring himself to reprimand the young dog when he found the antics cute. It was what he needed on a night like this.

“Come on then.” He toed off his shoes and moved further into his house. It was only small, but it was his and it was home. Kilgarrah flopped down on his rug in the lounge, eyes closing. He didn’t react as Aithusa started climbing over him and Merlin left them to it. The older dog would swiftly put the younger in his place if the puppy overstepped the line.

Moving into the kitchen, Merlin poured himself a glass of water. He took one sip, put it down and got a beer out. Cracking off the top, he drained half of it in two gulps before catching his breath and forcing himself to slow down. Resting the bottle against his forehead, he sighed at the coldness. He hadn’t noticed that he was getting a headache, but there was a pounding behind his eyes. He glared at the bottle before shrugging. One beer was not going to make his head worse and Merlin hoped it would start to relax him enough so he could get rid of the tension he could feel across his shoulders.

Taking his drink through, Merlin sprawled across the sofa and flicked the TV on. There was nothing watchable, but he kept it on. Anything to keep his mind occupied. He couldn’t think about what had just happened. He couldn’t. Not until he had recovered from the shock of seeing Arthur in the first place.

But crappy television didn’t do it and Merlin finished his drink far quicker than usual. He rested his head back on the sofa and sighed. Aithusa jumped up beside him and for once, he didn’t push the dog off the furniture.

“What do I do?” He asked the puppy, scratching him behind the ears. Aithusa pushed into his hand, whining for attention. “Just forget him, right?”

Merlin directed his attention at his pet for the next few moments. But the question still burned in his mind. He knew he had to forget Arthur again. Not mention it to anyone. He knew how his mother and Will would react if he said who had turned up. Focus on work. Go out and screw someone who wasn’t blond. At least, that would be Will’s advice. His mother would look at him long and hard before tentatively suggesting that Merlin should think about finding someone to settle down with. It was hard nw though. Even more so now.

How could he hope to find someone else when he had shocked himself with how much he was still in love with Arthur Pendragon?

Shaking his head, Merlin downed the end of his drink and stood up. He shed clothing as he moved through to the bathroom and turned the temperature up on the shower until the room was steamed up. Stepping under the jets of water, he shut his eyes and tilted his head back. He tried to clear his mind as rivulets of water ran down his face but he couldn’t. Arthur had looked exactly the same on his knees as he had all those years ago. Merlin bit his lip but it was too late. Arthur looked up at him from under his eyelashes. That pout. Those blue eyes that gleamed whenever they had sex.

Arthur really hadn’t changed.

Swallowing a moan, Merlin forced himself to picture someone else. Anyone would do as he took himself in hand. His fist glided faster and faster until Merlin could feel warmth coiling in the pit of his stomach. Right at the last second, Arthur’s face popped back into his mind and Merlin cursed as he came all over his hand. Leaning shakily back against the wall, he washed his hand off before staring despondently at the tiles opposite him. There was no fooling himself now.

“Stop it,” Merlin whispered. His scolding did nothing and he snapped the water off. Towelling himself dry, he threw on a pair of lose pyjama bottoms and an old t-shirt. He certainly wasn’t going out again. Running a towel through his hair, he tossed it into the dirty laundry basket on his way past. But then he paused, realising it was actually getting full. Merlin sighed, knowing he was being the definition of a loser. But he decided to make the most of a ruined evening.

An hour later and the laundry was done and drying and Merlin was shifting the table in the lounge so that he could hoover around it. It was heavy and his dogs merely looked up at him as he grunted in effort, feet slipping as he tried to shift it. It wasn’t going anywhere and Merlin flopped back down on the floor. Instantly, Aithusa snuggled into his lap and Merlin stroked his head gently.

He knew this wasn’t helping. Cleaning the house was not going to take his mind off things. Reaching around, he grabbed his phone and called a well-known number.

 _“Thought you were out getting pissed?_ ”

Merlin smirked at Will’s greeting. He thought about hauling himself off the floor, but that was too much effort. He lay on his back, trying not to wince as Aithusa sprawled across his stomach.

“Wasn’t my scene. What are you doing?”

_“What happened?”_

Merlin should have known that Will wouldn’t let that one go. He still missed the days when he could just knock on his best mate’s door and they would go and get drunk after a bad day. But university was long gone and Merlin had spent most of the evening trying to fool himself into thinking he had grown up. He fondled Aithusa’s ears as he took a breath.

“He was there.”

_“As in..?”_

“As in Arthur. Yes. He came.”

 _“You ignored him, right?_ ”

Merlin winced. He knew his silence was answering far louder than his voice could.

_“Merlin…”_

“He is gorgeous, Will.” His voice was nothing more than a mumble and Merlin gnawed on his lip once he had spoken. Admitting it to another human made it worse.

 _“Was. Was gorgeous, Merlin. Mate, you can’t do this to yourself._ ”

“I know.”

Silence fell but Merlin knew Will wouldn’t hang up until Merlin sounded more like himself. Merlin lay on the floor, trying to work out what was going through his head. But just knowing that Will was there on the other end of the line helped him to pull himself together. He suddenly took in a deep breath and sat up.

“Yep. You’re right. I’m over him. Nothing can happen. Nothing will happen. He’s married. I’m too good for him.”

_“That’s my boy.”_

They managed to pass the rest of the conversation talking about anything but Arthur. When Merlin finally laughed – a genuine one rather than a forced, hollow one – Will knew he had got through to his friend. He said something about keeping someone waiting and that he had to go. Merlin laughed again. Will always seemed to be on the pull, so the idea that he had left a date to sit on the phone and listen to his best mate moping around was enough for warmth to flood Merlin’s chest. He had people who loved him. People much better for him than Arthur.

“Go and woo her then, you dolt.”

_“Call me tomorrow.”_

“Yes, Mum.”

_“If you don’t, I’ll get your mother to call you.”_

“I’ll call.” Merlin hung up before Will could extract any more promises from him. The trouble was, he knew Will would stick by his word. He knew what a heartbroken Merlin was like and Merlin had no desire for his mother to find out what was going on.

Disconnecting, Merlin let the phone drop onto his chest and stayed where he was. He was comfortable despite lying across his floor and had no desire to move. Of course, Aithusa didn’t understand that reasoning and it only took a moment before Merlin had a well-chewed toy dropped onto his chest. He tossed it to one side, not in the mood to play. Aithusa bounded over to it and seconds later, it was back on Merlin’s chest.

This time, there was a small smile on his face as he tossed it away again. Kilgarrah was sleeping and Merlin soon found himself playing a game of tug-of-war with his energetic puppy. It was enough to chase the events from earlier in the evening out of his head and by the time midnight arrived, Merlin was tired but happy. He had dealt with the emotions surrounding Arthur years ago. This time, it was just a matter of putting them to the back of his mind and letting them fade away again. It wasn’t like he was going to see him again.

“Come on, you,” he said, scooping up Aithusa. “It’s past your bed-time.”

The puppy whined and licked his chin. Merlin squirmed but didn’t let him down as he moved towards the kitchen. He had put a stair gate across the door soon after getting the younger dog. Aithusa did not like to stay put.

But before he was halfway there, the doorbell rang. Merlin glanced quizzically at his dog, whose tail wagged happily. Putting him down, Merlin moved towards the door. He could see a shadow the other side and frowned. Kids had been playing around lately, but they had given up on ringing his door bell after catching sight of Kilgarrah. Just as Merlin reached out, something brushed past his leg. He glanced down to find Kilgarrah had come to join him. Comforted, Merlin put his hand on his dog’s head and opened the door.

Then he contemplated slamming it shut again.

“Merlin, please…” How Arthur got his foot in the door, Merlin had no idea. He deliberated trying to shut it just to see Arthur wince. But then he remembered the man was a lawyer – and apparently a good one – and he didn’t dare.

“What do you want?”

Kilgarrah picked up on his tone of voice and growled low. Arthur jerked as if he was going to step back, but caught himself at the last second when he realised that would enable Merlin to shut the door.

“To talk to you. That was what I wanted to do when I followed you into the bathroom earlier. I didn’t mean…I didn’t want, well, I did, but it wasn’t what I intended…”

“Arthur, it’s late. There is nothing you can say that I care about. Go away.”

Seeing him flustered helped. The Arthur he knew would never get flustered. They had both changed and this was not the man Merlin had fallen for years ago.

“Merlin…”

“I mean it, Arthur. I have nothing to say to you. Leave me alone.” Kilgarrah growled again and this time, Arthur stepped back. But Merlin wasn’t quick enough to shut the door. A bundle of fluff shot through the opening at a chance of freedom.

“Ai, no!” Merlin called, his voice firm. But he was already preparing to dart out after his puppy. Glancing at Kilgarrah, he sighed. “Stay.”

He made to step out, but he hadn’t seen Arthur move. The blond twisted around and somehow caught Aithusa around the middle mid-leap. The puppy whined as Arthur held him up.

“Hello.”

Aithusa barked and Merlin felt betrayed when he started to see his tail begin to wag. He held out his hands and Aithusa instantly started squirming.

“I’ve got him,” Arthur said. Merlin cursed when he could hear the smile in Arthur’s voice. Why couldn’t Aithusa have bit him instead? His hand resting on Kilgarrah’s collar – restraining the dog from wanting to go for Arthur for holding his young friend – Merlin opened the door wider. He didn’t see what choice he had.

“You can bring him in. Then you’re leaving.”

Arthur nodded and stepped into the hall. Merlin slammed the door and instantly took Aithusa from him.

“You,” he told the little dog sternly, “are in big trouble.”

He moved through the house and put Aithusa in the kitchen, quickly shutting the stairgate and sealing the puppy in.

“Um…Merlin?”

Moving back, Merlin smirked at seeing Kilgarrah cornering Arthur. He whistled and the dog trotted to his side. Merlin put a hand on his head, fondling his ears.

“Start talking before I let him go.”


	3. Chapter 3

“I…God, Merlin, you know I’m not good talking about these sorts of things. Let alone when I have a dog growling at me.”

“So?” Merlin leant back against the wall. “You haven’t given me a reason to call him off yet.”

He knew Kilgarrah would never go for Arthur unless Merlin gave him an exact command. He was a trained police dog who had only been retired because of his age. Merlin had worked with him for too long. But he wasn’t telling Arthur that. Watching him squirm felt like justice for the past ten years.

“Fine!” Arthur snapped. He took a breath and steadily looked anywhere but towards Kilgarrah. “I saw you head towards the bathroom and I had to talk to you. To see how you were. What we had – what we spent the whole of school doing – was fucking amazing. It’s been years. I wanted to see you. Then I saw you in there and you looked so gorgeous. And then you spoke and I just wanted you all over again.”

“And what Arthur wants, Arthur gets,” Merlin mocked. Arthur flushed, looking towards him before quickly looking away again.

“I didn’t mean it like that. Besides, you were hardly resisting.”

Merlin had nothing to say to that. He thought he had been furious with Arthur… then within two minutes of being in his company he was putty in his hands again. Merlin bit the inside of his cheek and forced himself to focus on that instead. The sharp pain didn’t help – he still felt like a mess of emotions.

Suddenly, Merlin felt tired. Drained. Arthur being vaguely near his life was exhausting him. He put his hand on Kilgarrah’s head.

“Go and find your bed, boy,” he murmured. The dog glanced at him with intelligent eyes before padding through to the lounge. Merlin thought about offering Arthur a drink, then realised that would give Aithusa another chance to betray him and instead stalked through after his dog. He didn’t need to invite Arthur through – the man was already following. Merlin crashed down on his sofa and stared up at Arthur. After a moment, the blond perched tentatively on the edge of the chair. Kilgarrah lay down in the middle of the floor, his head on his paws. When he didn’t move, Arthur gradually relaxed.

“How did you find where I lived?”

“I asked Nimueh. She was the one who organised this thing. How she found out, I don’t know.”

Merlin resisted the urge to bury his face in his hands. “You know half of the people there will now know? She’ll tell whoever will listen.”

“You forget what I do, Merlin. I have my ways of making sure she doesn’t say anything.”

“How could I forget when you’ve never told me?” Merlin retorted. He knew full well what Arthur did. He was one of the best lawyers in the city and Merlin was in the police. There was no way he hadn’t heard Arthur’s name crop up over the last few years. But that wasn’t his point. Arthur’s face fell before he recovered himself.

“I…forgot. Seeing you again, it is like the last ten years haven’t happened.”

“They have, Arthur. You don’t know me anymore. I’m not the boy I was back then.”

“You’re certainly not.”

Merlin forced himself to remain calm when Arthur’s gaze very deliberately travelled over his body. Picturing his uncle Gaius in the bath did the trick. Merlin stared impassively back.

“You’re married, Arthur. You shouldn’t be here.”

“I just wanted to talk.”

“About what? We live separate lives. We’re nothing to each other anymore. You want some fireside chat after everything we’ve done?”

“We don’t have to be nothing. We could be friends again.”

Merlin let out a laugh. It was hollow and empty. He felt like he was holding back tears. It was one thing telling himself that he was over Arthur. But now the man was here, in his house, claiming he wanted to talk. Merlin didn’t know how he was supposed to react to that.

“You really want to talk, Arthur?” Merlin stood up and started pacing. Kilgarrah lifted his head and watched him for a few seconds before settling back down again. “Then let’s start with the last time that we saw each other. You came to see me off for uni at the station, remember?”

Arthur nodded and Merlin felt like he could read his mind. Arthur had no idea where Merlin was going with this story. His lawyer mind was no doubt assessing the situation, preparing arguments and counter-arguments. Merlin didn’t stop pacing.

“We always said it was just fun, right? Everything we did during school? Only you know what I realised as the train pulled out of the station and I didn’t know when I was next going to see you? It wasn’t just sex for me. I had gone and fallen in love.”

Merlin paused, running a hand through his hair in frustration. He wished he hadn’t finished his beer now, for he would kill for a drink.

“So I thought I would call you. Let you know. See if it was just me. And you didn’t pick up. I texted. I emailed. I called. I thought about sending you a bloody letter over the next week. I couldn’t get hold of you.”

“Merlin…”

Arthur had paled and Merlin knew he had cottoned on.

“No. You don’t get to talk now. I waited, Arthur. I told myself I wouldn’t be the stalkerish ex who wouldn’t leave you alone. But I couldn’t stop myself from sending the odd text. And you never fucking responded. To anything. So there I was… New town, new life, new to realising I was in love and you gave me nothing back.”

This time, Merlin couldn’t stop the tears from stinging his eyes. Reliving it was reminding him of how much it had hurt. They couldn’t break up because technically they weren’t a couple. But the whole school had known they did everything together. All he had wanted was to hear Arthur say something – even if it was to tell him he was mad – and it was like Arthur had just stopped existing the moment Merlin’s train had left the station all those years ago. Until now.

“Merlin.” When Arthur had stood up, Merlin had no idea. But before he could comprehend what was happening, Arthur was holding him. Merlin found himself relaxing into the embrace before he noticed. Then he jerked back, pushing at Arthur’s chest again. This time, it was to make him back off.

“No. You don’t get to be here now, Arthur. Not when I’m over it and you’re married.”

“If you’re over it, then why are you crying?” Arthur hadn’t backed off. Instead, his hands came up and he cupped Merlin’s face. His thumbs brushed away his tears softly. “I can explain.”

“I don’t care,” Merlin murmured. He was more than aware the heat had left his voice though. Arthur was close, too close. Merlin could still see the faint dusting of freckles over his nose that the sun always brought out. He could practically count his eyelashes. And he wanted to. He wanted to so badly it scared him.

“Merlin.” His name was a whisper on Arthur’s lips, and suddenly those lips were being pressed against his. Merlin let out a soft sob and was kissing Arthur back before he could stop himself. One of Arthur’s hands left his cheek and rested on his hip, curling around the bone as if they were a perfect match for each other. Merlin felt his own hand fist in Arthur’s shirt.

He wasn’t thinking, let alone thinking straight. But there suddenly came a soft growl from behind him and Merlin jerked back as if Arthur’s touch had burnt him.

“Get out,” he whispered, his voice breaking. He turned his back on Arthur, hating himself for being so weak.

“Merlin…”

“Get out!” It was a scream this time and Kilgarrah barked. Merlin didn’t dare turn around as he heard Arthur moving and it was only when the front door slammed did he drop to his knees. Kilgarrah padded around him, nudging him. Merlin couldn’t stop himself from burying his fingers in the soft fur and hugging his dog fiercely as he completely broke down.

He didn’t know what time he fell into bed. But when he woke the next morning, it was to Aithusa jumping up on the bed. Merlin groaned as he stumbled through the house. The stairgate was swinging open and the bottles indicated he had finished most of his beer. His pounding headache was evidence of that. His eyes were gritty and sore. Merlin had never been so glad he wasn’t on duty until the following day. Trying to muffle another moan, Merlin put the kettle on and spooned some coffee into a mug. He felt he was going to need a lot of it by the time he was through with Arthur Pendragon.

MMM

“You are an idiot, Merlin.”

Merlin made a non-committal noise in the back of his throat. He was leaning against the lockers, preparing for his shift. Gwaine had noticed his flinch as a door had banged shut and knew in seconds that Merlin was hungover. He hadn’t intended on wasting his day of freedom, but he had felt so wretched from the events of Saturday night that he hadn’t plucked up the courage to leave the house. Instead, he had finished his pack of beer. Needless to say, he was now feeling it.

“I know. I don’t need you telling me that. Again.”

“Not for the beer.” Gwaine came to stand in front of him and rested a hand on his shoulder. It was so uncharacteristically kind that Merlin looked up. “For letting him get to you that way.”

As soon as Gwaine had noticed his state, he had demanded an explanation as to what was going on. He already knew about Arthur – a drunken game nearly four years ago had Merlin pouring his heart out on a night out and telling Gwaine everything that had happened. But it was the one thing Gwaine and Will agreed about – that Merlin should leave him totally behind and not spare the man another thought. But when Arthur was sitting in his living room, it was easier said than done.

“I shouldn’t have let him in, should I?”

“Probably not, mate.” Gwaine gave his shoulder a squeeze before moving away to continue getting ready. Merlin had contemplated calling in sick when he woke up that morning. But now he knew being here was better. The fresh air of walking the streets would clear his headache and Gwaine normally knew what to do in order to cheer him up.

“Who shouldn’t have done what?”

Merlin turned at the voice and smiled at the sight of his boss. Freya might have been a petite woman, but she was as ferocious as a wild cat when it came to doing the right thing. All the officers under her command found that she instilled in them a desire to make the streets a safer place. If Freya wasn’t his commander, Merlin was sure he would have taken the promotions that had been waved in front of him before now.

“Don’t tell me,” she continued with a smile. “Aithusa is causing trouble again?”

“Something like that.” It was known throughout the station that Merlin had adopted the one dog that refused to be trained. For months he had had to endure their teasing about him not being able to resist a stray. He wondered if that was how he saw himself and why he had given in to Arthur. Freya smiled at him before striding to the centre of the room.

“Right, you lot! Listen up.” As she began dealing out the rotations for the day, Merlin finished getting ready and found himself next to Gwaine again. They both shared knowing grins when they were paired together and given one of the worst parts of town. They were building themselves a reputation as being a good team and Merlin felt right now he wanted someone to try something. Anything to release the tension from the day.

As it happened, his shift was fairly quiet. As they patrolled, Merlin felt the weight lifting from his shoulders by being out in the sunshine. His friends were right; he shouldn’t let Arthur get to him that much. But it seemed fate had other ideas. They had just turned into one of the main streets when a car stopped further down. The back door opened and Merlin grabbed Gwaine’s sleeve, dragging him back around the corner.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Gwaine demanded. He pulled his arm free and stepped forward again.

“It’s him,” Merlin hissed. “Do you think he is following me? Why else would he be here?”

Gwaine peered around the corner before shooting an amused grin over his shoulder. “You do realise where we are, right? This is lawyer central. He’s probably got a meeting with his boss or something. If he had seen you, why would he be over there and not down here? Now come on.”

There was nothing Merlin could do as Gwaine started walking off. He hurried after him and tried to match his partner’s step. What Gwaine was attempting to achieve by coming this way, Merlin had no idea. But he wasn’t about to let Gwaine do anything stupid in front of Arthur. Or to Arthur – Merlin didn’t know quite how deep his friend’s protectiveness ran.

As it happened, Gwaine just kept walking. Merlin forced himself to stay looking ahead. But he couldn’t resist sneaking a glance to the side, just to look at Arthur dressed for work. He scolded himself, knowing that he was sounding like a teenage girl. The look of shock on Arthur’s face when he realised who he was looking at made it worth it though. Merlin guessed that Arthur knew he was in the police. But judging by his expression, he clearly thought the uniform suited Merlin.

“Wait.”

Arthur’s voice rang out before they rounded the next corner. Gwaine smirked while Merlin inwardly panicked. Gwaine turned and Merlin was forced to follow suit. Arthur was hurrying up to them, his eyes on Merlin.

“Can I help you?” Gwaine’s voice was clipped and collected. Merlin looked between the two men and realised he wasn’t sure who would win. Gwaine had strength behind him, but Arthur was no push over. Plus Arthur must have a way with words if he had made it this far.

“This doesn’t concern you, I want to talk to your partner.”

Merlin knew he was hearing Arthur’s professional voice. But it just made Gwaine up his game.

“We’re working. Maybe try making an appointment if you want to see him. The station is just down the road, I’m sure they can help you out.”

“How dare you talk to me like that?”

“Enough,” Merlin said. He stepped forward, resting a hand on Gwaine’s chest warningly to stop him going for Arthur. “Gwaine is right, I’m on duty. You can’t dictate where and when you decide to talk to me, Arthur. Besides, I’ve got nothing to say to you. Let’s go.”

He turned back. He didn’t see what happened. He assumed that Arthur had gone to take his arm to try and get him to turn back. But when Merlin spun back around, it was to find Gwaine had Arthur’s arm up his back and was holding him casually against the nearest building.

“Break his heart again and I’ll break you,” he hissed. The line sounded cliché but the extra pressure he put on Arthur’s arm undermined that. Arthur looked furious but Gwaine let go and strode off. Merlin hurried after him. He could handle Arthur, he just didn’t know what he would say to him.

“I don’t need you fighting my battles for me,” he said. He wasn’t sure how he felt about Gwaine’s display of aggression. Gwaine leant over and punched him lightly in the shoulder.

“What sort of best mate would I be if I didn’t warn him?”

Merlin felt his annoyance disappear. Maybe that would teach Arthur that dropping by unannounced at midnight wasn’t a good idea. Between Gwaine and Kilgarrah, Merlin felt like he had his own army.

“Besides,” Gwaine continued, grinning. “At least I know how to handle myself. Just wait until Will meets him. I’m not sure who will draw first blood.”

Despite the seriousness of the topic, Merlin laughed. Gwaine and Will had only met a few times but got on well enough for Merlin to know they would work together when it came to looking out for him.

“Arthur’s no push-over.”

“Neither are you, mate. Don’t let him back in your life.” Gwaine paused and Merlin felt the annoyance brew again. It wasn’t really Gwaine’s business…

“At least, not unless you are sure what you want.”

Merlin stopped walking, staring at Gwaine’s back. The man wouldn’t have said that unless he meant it. Merlin had spent the whole morning complaining about Arthur. How could he think that he would want anything to do with him?

But then Merlin realised. He had spent all morning talking about him. It had only been a couple of days and he already couldn’t get Arthur out of his head. Firmly telling himself Arthur was married, had broken his heart and was off-limits, Merlin jogged after Gwaine.

Neither of them mentioned it for the rest of their shift. Distracted by stopping shoplifters, Merlin managed to force Arthur from his mind properly for the rest of the day. Back at the station, Merlin agreed to go with the others to their local pub as long as they promised not to let him drink. Besides, seeing the barman flirt with Gwaine while being sober was always more amusing. Percival was gorgeous even if not Merlin’s type.

An evening out with his friends – people who cared about him, not those who left him in the lurch – was precisely what he needed right now.

 


	4. Chapter 4

When he saw neither sight nor sound of Arthur for the next three days, Merlin thought it had to be a good thing. He had spent the entire time telling Gwaine that he wanted nothing to do with him.

“It’s for the best,” he said empathetically. They were in the locker room, getting changed after a gruelling shift. Merlin would have thought sprinting after a shoplifter would have been enough to get Arthur out of his mind. It seemed that wasn’t case.

“Course it is, mate,” Gwaine said. “He’s married. It’s only going to end in heartbreak for you. For everyone.”

“Why do I feel like there is a but coming there?”

“I haven’t heard you talk about a guy this much since forever.”

Merlin finally managed to yank his t-shirt over his head in order to stare at Gwaine. His friend shrugged innocently and continued getting changed. He didn’t seem to care that Freya could walk in any moment, preferring to strip off entirely before he started to dress again.

“I haven’t! Have I?” Doubt clawed at Merlin. He picked up his trainers and sat on the bench in order to get them on. He had tried to keep quiet, not wanting to dump everything on Gwaine. It seemed he had failed at that without even noticing. Running a hand through his hair, he sighed.

“It’s not because I like him,” he continued. For some reason, he felt like he had to explain himself. “It’s more that I don’t know how I feel about him.”

Gwaine finally pulled on his jeans and came to sit next to him. There was a serious expression on his face and Merlin knew he was in trouble.

“The fact that you are saying you don’t know is sign enough that you don’t want to dismiss him like you’re saying.”

Merlin stared at him. Gwaine was the careless one. The one to sleep around, not attaching himself to anyone or anything. He wasn’t supposed to be the one with answers.

“Then what do I do?”

“Go out. Get drunk. Get laid. Get drunk and laid. But don’t sit there secretly hoping the doorbell is going to ring at some stupid time in the night.”

Gwaine nudged him with his shoulder as he stood to continue dressing. Merlin put his shoes on, his face scarlet. He might have been rambling about Arthur lately, but he was certain he hadn’t told Gwaine that. It wasn’t that he wanted Arthur to ring his doorbell again. It was more he wasn’t sure what he would do and was quite interested to find out. At least his reaction might give him a clue as to what he was feeling. Merlin didn’t realise it was possible to not know.

But with his shoes finally on, he left. If that was Gwaine’s advice, then Merlin knew he would get nothing more from him. Before he headed for home, he rounded the police station and crossed a muddy field in order to reach the dog training centre. Kilgarrah came padding up to meet him and Merlin greeted him enthusiastically. The dog was so well behaved he was left to roam during the day. With Kilgarrah by his side, Merlin entered the kennels. It took him no time to find Aithusa’s lead and let the puppy out of his pen. He had a long lead for during the day when he was free to run around as he pleased, but when the other dogs were being settled, he too was put in a pen to calm down.

“All okay, Gilli?” Merlin called. The young man in charge turned and gave him a thumbs up before turning back to continue what he was doing. Holding Aithusa’s lead loosely in one hand, Merlin whistled to Kilgarrah and the three of them made their way home.

Merlin’s trials for the day weren’t over yet though. He was only about halfway home, trying to stop Aithusa from exploring every scent they walked past, when he heard someone call his name. Stopping and turning – and getting tangled in the lead at the same time – Merlin started in surprise to see Leon hurrying towards him.

“I thought it was you,” Leon said, smiling. He patted Kilgarrah on the head and Merlin smiled when the dog’s tail wagged. Not many people passed Kili’s test and Merlin turned his smile on Leon.

“What are you doing here?”

“I work just down the road. I was on my way home and I thought I saw you. Who would have known, right? We’ve probably been walking past each other for years. Small world!”

“Yeah,” Merlin muttered. He thought of Arthur. It was a small world indeed if all of them ended up working not far from each other. “What can I do for you?”

“Those drinks I mentioned… Lance and Gwen are up for it this Friday. Realised I don’t have your number. What do you think?”

“Sure,” Merlin said, without thinking. Then he winced. “What about Arthur?”

“Haven’t asked him yet. He’s a difficult man to get hold of, I doubt he can make it. Here, give me your number and I’ll text you where and when.”

Merlin dutifully dug his phone out and handed it to Leon. The man took down his number and punched in his own. Then he handed it back and waved cheerfully then.

“I’ll see you on Friday.” He walked off before Merlin had the chance to say anything else. Only when he was gone did Merlin swear, untangling himself from the lead and hurrying home. He didn’t dare let himself think about what had happened until the door shut behind him and he had filled up the dogs’ bowls.

Then he sat on the sofa and put his head in his hands. He had been pleased he had gone three days without Arthur. Now more than ever he hated the saying being careful what he wished for. But slowly, Merlin sat up and pulled himself together. This was absurd. He had gone ten years without Arthur in his life. He knew he had a limited friendship group and reconnecting with some old school friends would be precisely what he needed.

And if he wanted to follow Gwaine’s advice of getting either drunk or laid, then he was not going to manage that staying in his flat. Pulling out his phone, Merlin texted Gwaine what had happened, then sent the same message to Will. He knew Will was after all of the gossip he could get. Then Merlin made himself a cup of tea and cursed his life.

True to his word, Leon texted through the time and place. Merlin smiled at the information. It was one of his favourite haunts and at least he knew if it grew to be too awful, he could go and talk to Percival. Maybe even give the man some tips on how to make Gwaine look at him twice. Considering he was gorgeous, Merlin didn’t see how his friend had been so blind for so long.

Feeling better, he took a quick shower and made himself some dinner. The best thing about the dogs being at the station all day was that they were as worn out as he was. He didn’t need to walk them after a shift. He was glad, for his feet ached and Merlin wanted nothing more than to curl up with a rubbish film. That was precisely what he planned to do until his mother rang and Merlin had to come up with every excuse in the book to reassure her that he was fine when she doubted his initial words. The only thing that stopped him from murdering Will for letting it slip was that she never mentioned Arthur’s name.

Then again, she never mentioned the reunion either. Deciding the next time he went to see her, he was going to make his friend pay for it, Merlin went for a run when he came off the phone. Only when he made it back from that did he feel moderately calm and he took another shower before heading to bed.

As he tossed and turned, staring at the ceiling, he realised he was nervous. Not about the possibility that Arthur might be there. But because he hadn’t exactly made the effort to stay in contact with his school friends, despite them being close back in the day. He wasn’t sure he had answers to the questions he was certain were going to come his way. And if Arthur was there, what would he think that Merlin hadn’t been in a serious relationship since they had split back at school? He knew running out on Saturday night would have made things worse and it was gone 1am by the time Merlin finally fell asleep.

The next day, he made sure he didn’t mention Arthur once to Gwaine. His friend didn’t bring him up either and Merlin felt better. He had dealt with this once before, he was going to deal with it again. If he kept telling himself that, then he had a vague chance of believing it.

But Friday came around too quickly. Merlin knew he was running late when he was still staring into his wardrobe with just a towel wrapped around his waist at the time he should have been meeting the others. Was he supposed to go for causal and laid-back, or try and make an impression? These people were his friends, but it had been so long since he had socialised with them that he wasn’t sure it counted.

In the end – with a frantic phone call to Freya and thanking whatever might be out there he was on such good terms with his boss – Merlin entered the pub only fifteen minutes late. He looked around, grinning and nodding at Percival before hearing his name called.

“Merlin!”

Following the sound, he saw Gwen waving at him. He slipped into a spare seat.

“Sorry I’m late. Got held up at work.”

“It’s fine,” Gwen said. Lancelot’s arm was curled around her shoulder and Leon was sitting on the other side of the table. Merlin blinked when he saw who was sitting next to him.

“Merlin.”

“Morgana.”

For a long moment, the two of them just looked at each other. Morgana knew more than most how involved he and Arthur had been. But then he saw that her hand was resting casually on Leon’s arm and he did a double-take.

“You two?” he exclaimed. Leon smiled and blushed. Morgana nodded.

“Three years now. On and off, at least.”

“Mainly on,” Leon murmured. Merlin grinned.

“Good. You moped after her long enough in school, Leon.”

“Told you!” Morgana crowed triumphantly. “I knew you liked me longer than I liked you.”

Merlin glanced at Gwen, who laughed lightly. “It’s always a competition with those two. At least, with Morgana anyway.”

“Some things never change. I need a drink. Anyone else?”

Lancelot accompanied him to the bar and Merlin found it easier to chat to him this time than it had been before. Being in an environment he was used to suited him and Merlin didn’t initially notice someone had taken his chair before he almost sat in it and jerked at the last moment.

“For a policeman, shouldn’t you have quicker reactions than that?” Arthur drawled, lifting an eyebrow as he looked at him.

“You were late,” Merlin retorted. Gwen scooted over to make space for him and Merlin slipped into the seat. He ignored Arthur. And Arthur ignored him.

Somehow, they managed to make that last for the majority of the evening. Merlin talked to everyone else, as did Arthur. But whether it was luck or judgement on their friend’s behalf, they managed to avoid talking directly to each other. Merlin found that suited him. He was relaxed and having a nice time without worrying his feelings (whatever they might be) were written across his face. As the evening drew on, Gwen gradually relaxed back against Lancelot, who kissed the top of her head.

“I’m so sorry,” she murmured. She reached out and took Merlin’s hand, but only because he was the one she could reach. “Work has been an absolute nightmare this week.”

“What do you do?” Arthur asked. Merlin was only half listening. Something had caught his attention. He shifted further across the seat until he could peer around Arthur’s chair.

“and so – Merlin?”

Jumping, Merlin turned back as his name was called. He hadn’t listened to a word.

“Sorry, I-,” A crash cut through his explanation and Merlin was on his feet before he had truly registered the sound. He strode forwards, ignoring his friends twisting around to see what was going on and stalked towards the fight that had broken out between two youths. Ever since he had joined the police force, Merlin had noticed that he reacted to his surroundings a lot more. It made him realise how little people paid attention.

Percival was attempting to break it up, but with the bar between him and the fighters, he could barely reach them, let alone have any impact.

“Alright, lads, break it up.” Merlin’s voice was firm. He didn’t see Leon and Lancelot exchange surprised looks behind him. Merlin knew he sounded mild when he was off duty, but when the time called for it, he sounded strong and not someone anyone would mess with.

One of the boys looked around. Merlin could see that he was only just old enough to drink. He trusted Percival to have checked their ID before serving them. But his eyes were glazed and his face flushed.

“Says who?” His voice was slurring and Merlin knew his chance of reasoning with them was limited.

“Says me,” he said. He moved forward, catching the boy’s arm. It took no effort at all to twist it behind his back and march the boy to the door. Merlin firmly pushed him out, hoping the cold air would sober him up a little.

“Go home,” he said. “Before I call it in.”

Something in his words got through to the youth and he sauntered off into the night air. Feeling pleased, Merlin turned to repeat his actions on the second. But this boy wasn’t so inebriated. He saw Merlin coming for him, grabbed a wine glass and smashed it against the bar.

“Come on then,” he snarled. Merlin rolled his eyes and looked at Percival.

“Call Gwaine, would you?” He knew this youth couldn’t be trusted to just go quietly on his way if he was this aggressive.

“Be careful, Merlin,” a voice called. Merlin glanced around to see Gwen watching him, holding on tightly to Lancelot’s arm. He smiled.

“This is my job, Gwen.” As he turned back to the young man though, Merlin lost all of his light-heartedness over the situation. The lad was drunk enough not to realise the sort of damage he could cause, but still had enough of his co-ordination to prove a threat. Keeping his eye on the broken glass, Merlin approached carefully.

“There’s no need for this, mate. Just put it down and go home.”

“You’re not my father. You don’t get to tell me what to do.”

“I’m a policeman. I’m giving you a warning. Go home before I call it in.”

Sometimes it worked. Sometimes it didn’t. This case was the latter. The boy lunged for him and Merlin heard Gwen gasp. He didn’t look around though. It took almost no effort on his behalf to dodge the glass, grab the boy’s wrist and force the shards to one side where no one could be hurt. Disarming him, Merlin kept his grip on the boy and repeated his earlier action of bending his arm behind his back. He couldn’t throw him out though. The boy was still violent. Gwaine was on a late shift and Merlin knew once his name was mentioned, his friend would be there to pick the youth up in no time.

It was only a matter of holding on to him until then.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw another two lads move forward. They looked to be the same age and Merlin groaned when he saw the look on their faces. This was clearly their friend and they knew that he was alone. Merlin made to back up to make sure he had the bar behind him, but before he could do so, others moved. Both Leon and Arthur stepped in the way. Merlin smiled. He wasn’t alone.

“Go home,” Leon said. His voice rang with authority and Merlin wondered what he did for a living. But the boy in his grasp started struggling and Merlin had to concentrate again.

Looking back on that moment, he had no idea what happened. One second he was holding the boy. The next, he was stumbling backwards, the boy having wrenched free of his hold. The youth shoved him and Merlin couldn’t correct his balance on time. He fell into the wall, smacking his head hard as he did so. Sinking down to the sticky floor, Merlin groaned as he tried to force himself to focus. His head was throbbing and he lifted a shaking hand to press against the back of it. His fingers came away bloody.

“Merlin? Merlin, can you hear me? Look at me? Merlin!”

Merlin wasn’t sure Arthur had the right to sound that worried about him. The thought made him laugh somewhat distractedly and when he forced himself to focus, it was to find Arthur’s hand on his shoulder and Arthur hovering over him. Arthur looked nothing short of terrified. Then again, Merlin’s vision was weaving so much he couldn’t work out if that was indeed his expression or Merlin’s eyes playing tricks on him.

There was some sort of commotion behind Arthur. Merlin knew he had to help. He tried to stand but Arthur’s hand kept him down with ease.

“Steady. You’re bleeding.”

“You don’t say,” Merlin muttered, his voice slurring. Then he passed out, slumping where he sat.


	5. Chapter 5

Merlin groaned as he came to. He expected to still be slumped on the floor at the pub. He had only blacked out for a few seconds. Hadn’t he?

Realising he was lying flat out, Merlin gasped and jerked upright.

“Easy,” a familiar voice said. Merlin wasn’t yet alert enough to work out whether he was glad Arthur was there or not. “You’re in the hospital.”

“What?”

That knowledge alone was enough to pull Merlin firmly back to alertness. He opened his eyes, staring about him. Arthur was telling the truth; he was in the hospital. He lifted a hand and tentatively felt his head, only to feel a dressing wrapped around it.

“You lost a lot of blood.” Merlin looked over as Arthur spoke. The blond was sitting by his bed and looking pale. “They had to bring you in. They’ve stitched it up and you’re going to be fine.”

“Then why do you look as if you are about to pass out?” Merlin regretted his words as soon as they slipped from his mouth. They sounded cold and unfeeling when Arthur was the one who had decided to stay by his side when he had been brought in. Arthur gave a shaky laugh and Merlin relaxed, knowing his words had not hurt the man.

“I’m not good with blood,” Arthur admitted. Merlin stared at him.

“So why..?” He waved a hand feebly at the room they were in, gesturing without words and trying to ask Arthur why he was the one who had come. Arthur shrugged.

“Hardly any of us know each other anymore. I thought, perhaps…” Arthur trailed off and Merlin was certain there was colour flooding back into Arthur’s cheeks. He smiled softly. Arthur had a point though – they had met up to reconnect. None of them knew each other, not anymore.

“Well.” Merlin cleared his throat, not being sure what to say. He wanted to blame it on the thumping headache he was becoming aware of. He even wanted to say the bang to his head had left him speechless. But the truth was he didn’t know what to say to Arthur.

He hadn’t known since Arthur had first walked into the ballroom a week ago.

“You’re welcome,” Arthur replied. He smiled gently and Merlin knew he was not the only one finding this awkward. They sat in silence, Merlin’s fingers playing with the edge of the blanket. He wished the doctor would hurry up and realise he was conscious so that he could go home. This was hardly the first time he had been hurt since joining the police-force.

“Did Gwaine come?” he blurted out, suddenly remembering he had asked Percival to call his partner. Arthur nodded.

“He arrested the guy, but he was on his own. He made us promise that one of us would come with you and said he would check in once you were discharged.”

Merlin made to nod, then realised at the last moment it would be a bad idea. Silence fell again. Merlin wanted to ask Arthur if he needed to leave but didn’t want it to sound as if he was trying to get rid of him. If he was honest, he was glad he wasn’t on his own.

“Can I… Can I get you anything?” Arthur sounded uncertain, as if he didn’t know what to do or say anymore than Merlin did. Merlin pulled a face.

“Get me out of here?”

“Your own knight in shining armour then?”

“Something like that.” Merlin met Arthur’s eye and smiled. Arthur smiled back. For the first time, it didn’t felt awkward or strained. The silence felt almost companionable and he settled back against the bed. A scraping sound signalled Arthur was trying to move his chair closer and Merlin winced at the noise.

“Sorry.”

Arthur looked far too serious to be apologising just for the noise. Merlin looked at him, wondering what was going on in his mind. Just as he opened his mouth to ask, the door banged open and a slender, blonde woman stood there. Her hands were on her hips and she glared at Merlin before turning her attention to Arthur.

“When you said you were at the hospital, I expected you to be injured.” Her voice was a snap, her tone churlish. Merlin shut his eyes as he realised who she was. Vivian. Arthur’s wife. He had clearly called her to let her know where he was.

“My friend is,” Arthur said. Merlin cracked an eye open just enough to watch what was going on. Arthur sounded guarded. Vivian glanced towards the bed and sneered.

“Your _friend_ , yeah right. You barely even know him, Arthur.”

“I know him well enough that I wasn’t going to let him come to the hospital alone.”

“You’ve always been too soft-hearted. It’s a surprise you ever made it as a lawyer.”

Merlin opened his eyes properly at her harsh tone. He expected Arthur to look angry or even indignant. But the man didn’t. He looked as if he had just deflated, as if this was something he was used to handling. Vivian saw that he was awake and flounced towards the door.

“We’re leaving, Arthur.”

“No. I’m staying here until someone comes for him.”

“Nonsense. Are you going to leave me on my own all night for someone you barely know?”

Merlin knew he was gaping. Arthur wasn’t even trying to defend himself. He looked lost for words as he glanced at Merlin before back at his wife.

“It wasn’t like we had anything planned…” Arthur began. But Vivian cut across him with a scorning laugh.

“I tried. Or had you forgotten? You were so insistent that you were going out you didn’t even stop to listen to what I wanted to do!”

“I-,”

Arthur’s words cut off abruptly as Vivian slapped him sharply around the face. Merlin sat bolt upright. His head pounded and his stomach churned at the movement but he didn’t care. He was acutely aware that his mouth was hanging open. He willed Arthur to defend himself, but if the man didn’t, then Merlin would. He was in the police, after all.

“You’re still not listening!” Vivian cried before turning towards the door. “I’m going home. You better come with me.”

She stalked out and Arthur blew out a long breath.

“Arthur, I-,” Merlin began. With Vivian out of the room, the moment to defend him seemed to have passed and Merlin was again lost for words.

“I better go,” Arthur muttered. He didn’t look at Merlin as he spoke, but shuffled awkwardly towards the door.

Merlin didn’t know what to say. Had Arthur forgotten plans with his wife or was Vivian such high maintenance her husband wasn’t allowed out without her permission? Merlin would have laughed; the Arthur he had known would never have been bossed around. But the pink mark on Arthur’s face said otherwise, a powerful reminder the man in front of him wasn’t the Arthur he had known back in the day.

“Arthur,” Merlin called, straightening again. The blond paused, his hand on the doorframe. His shoulders were hunched and when he looked back, Merlin knew his smile was fake.

“Thank you,” Merlin said.

It didn’t sound enough. But Merlin couldn’t force him to stay, not when it was clearly causing trouble for Arthur. But something in Arthur’s expression melted and he nodded before heading out of the room. Merlin rested back against the bed, his mind whirring over what he had witnessed. He felt like he should do something.

But was he just looking for a reason to believe Arthur was more attainable than Merlin had first thought? And if so… Then Merlin was an even bigger fool than he realised. Arthur meant complications. But Merlin wondered if perhaps a friendship between the two of them might be possible after all.

He wasn’t sure if it was the blow to his head or his thoughts that were making his head pound with more intensity again. He rested back against the bed and waited for the doctor to come.

Luckily for Merlin, he didn’t take long and Merlin was discharged as Gwaine turned up. His friend’s eyes were full of worry and Merlin pushed what had happened to the back of his mind as he agreed to let Gwaine drive him home and cook dinner. He knew that would mean a take-away, but right now, that was fine by him.

It was only when he was back in his own bed with the dogs settled and his skull pounding fit to burst that Merlin allowed himself to think about what had happened. He was hardly the best judge. He hadn’t been able to hold a relationship together since he had been with Arthur and his own father had left when Merlin had been very young. What did he know about it?

Still, he knew something wasn’t right. Arthur had folded in on himself as soon as his wife had arrived. He was a lawyer though; if anyone could hold his ground in an argument, it would be Arthur. He decided he would get Arthur’s number from Leon and try and investigate further. Although he didn’t want to pry, he knew Arthur needed a friend. Maybe he had said something to one of the others? Confused and frustrated – it was easier to hate Arthur for breaking his heart when he didn’t look so much like a kicked puppy – Merlin finally fell asleep.

MMM

“How are you feeling?” Gwen reached across the table to touch Merlin lightly on the wrist. Freya had called the next morning having heard what happened and insisted that Merlin stayed home from work. Although his head was pounding, Merlin couldn’t sit around doing nothing. He couldn’t get Arthur out of his head and this time it wasn’t due to his own conflicted feelings towards the man. After walking the dogs, he realised he had Gwen’s number and asked if she wanted a coffee since their catch up had been previously interrupted. She had agreed and arrived alone, apologising that Lancelot had to work.

“Fine,” Merlin said. He smiled at her. “I’ve had worse.”

“That doesn’t sound very good.”

“Comes with the job.”

Gwen continued watching him for a few moments before a waitress came over to take their order. Neither of them spoke until their coffees arrived, but Merlin knew he was going to have to break the silence.

“So how are you?”

“What did you ask me here for, Merlin?” Gwen’s voice was kind and she smiled softly when Merlin looked at her in surprise. “You hid the whole night of the reunion and then left early. You were okay in the pub but I get the feeling that reconnecting with us isn’t your top priority. I don’t blame you, we all have our own lives. But still…”

“I’m sorry.” Merlin meant it. Now he was seeing her again, he realised how much he had missed Gwen over the years. She had always been a good friend to him, but Merlin had cut nearly all contact with home when he realised that Arthur had no intention of returning his calls. It helped to nullify the pain a little if he didn’t talk to any of them.

“What is it?”

“It’s Arthur,” Merlin sighed. Understanding tightened Gwen’s eyebrows and she stirred her coffee.

“I don’t know what happened between the two of you,” she began but Merlin shook his head, cutting her off.

“Neither do I. I’m sorry, Gwen, I should have called and reconnected before. I miss you. I really do. But…something happened at the hospital.”

“You should have seen how insistent he was that he was the one to come with you,” Gwen said, a small smile on her face. Merlin felt himself begin to blush, distracted from what he was going to say.

“Really? Why…wait, it doesn’t matter. This isn’t about me. His wife came.”

“That was caring…”

“Not to see me. To inform Arthur he was due at home.”

Gwen looked confused and Merlin sighed. He kneaded his forehead with his fist, trying to order his thoughts. He felt like he was betraying Arthur’s trust telling Gwen what had happened. But Vivian hadn’t exactly cared she had a witness and Merlin didn’t know if he was reading too deeply into something.

“She was cruel to him, Gwen,” Merlin said quietly. He stared at the table top. “She slapped him.”

Gwen gasped and Merlin knew his suspicions were right. Their old friends didn’t know about this. Arthur had put on such a front at the pub, acting like he was in control of everything in his life. He was rich, he had a gorgeous wife and a secure job. But if that was the case, why had he come to Merlin’s house in the middle of the night after the reunion?

“Do you think… Merlin, do you think she is abusing him?”

“I don’t know,” Merlin admitted. “For all I know this is some twisted power-game they’ve been playing since they got married. Why did he even marry her, she’s hardly his type.”

Gwen helpfully chose to ignore the latter part of Merlin’s comment. She sighed, leaning back in her chair and staring at her cup as she thought about what she wanted to say. Merlin had a feeling he wasn’t going to like it.

“I think his father was involved.”

Merlin gritted his teeth. The reason why they had never done anything more than mess around at school was because Arthur had always been afraid that his father would find out he wasn’t the perfectly straight and obedient son Uther wanted.

“Why does that not surprise me?”

“They met at one of Uther’s functions and what would have been a fling turned into marriage once their fathers’ realised it strengthened their position.”

Merlin let his confusion show on his face and Gwen sighed. Merlin knew she hadn’t wanted to come here just to talk about Arthur.

“Vivian’s father owns the biggest legal firm in the country. It’s where Arthur works.”

Now Merlin had understood. It had always been about money with Uther. He thought Arthur would have broken away from his father enough to be able to follow his own heart once they had left school. It seemed he was wrong. For a reason Merlin couldn’t explain, he was disappointed in Arthur. Disappointed that he could be wonderful, charming and caring but couldn’t stand up to the man who had raised him. Merlin ran his fingers through his hair.

“So what do we do?”

“Do?” Gwen looked at him before shaking her head. “We have to find out what is going on before we do anything, Merlin.”

“But…” Merlin trailed off. Gwen was right. They didn’t know what was happening. Arthur could have said something after Vivian had left, but he hadn’t. Merlin didn’t know Arthur, not anymore. None of them did. He couldn’t suddenly start interfering with his marriage over something he had seen while being half-concussed at the time. But Gwen took his hand.

“I’m still close to Morgana. I know she doesn’t talk to her brother a lot, but she might know something. I’m glad you told me, Merlin.”

Merlin finally managed to smile. “So am I. I didn’t know what to do.”

Gwen smiled and Merlin felt a weight lift from him. The rest of their catch up was spent doing just that – catching up. When they went their separate ways, Merlin knew that was Gwen was back in his life.

He wandered back to the house slowly, in no rush to get back. It was rare he had a day off to fill as he wished and Merlin intended to make the most of it, even if he did have a headache. But there was someone hovering on his doorstep and Merlin frowned when he saw it was Vivian. She saw him coming and stepped away from the door. By the look on her face, she didn’t want to be seen there.

“What?” Merlin didn’t know her. He had no reason to be polite. Vivian’s smile was sickly but her eyes were like ice.

“I wanted to talk to you,” she simpered. “About what happened yesterday. It was just a bad day, Arthur knew I didn’t mean that. I just miss him when he isn’t there. I promise I made it up to him like a good wife should when we got home.”

She looked as if she was used to being believed. But Merlin knew Arthur. He might not have seen him for years, but he knew that look of utter defeat on his face. It was the same expression he used to get when his father had done something Arthur didn’t like. Arthur hadn’t been faking that.

“It’s really none of my business,” Merlin muttered. He pushed past her, moving towards his door. But Vivian caught his arm, her nails like talons.

“No,” she said. Her voice was like steel. “It really isn’t.”

Her grip tightened momentarily until Merlin looked at her hand pointedly. Then Vivian let go and stalked off. She only went a few steps before sliding into a posh car that had been waiting. Merlin was certain the man in the back wasn’t Arthur. But as the car drove off, he watched it go before letting himself in. He hadn’t meant what he said. This reunion was supposed to be about reconnecting to old friends.

Merlin had no idea what Arthur was to him. But he knew Vivian had been lying. It hadn’t been a one-off thing – Arthur wouldn’t have reacted like that if it was. But Arthur was a capable man, he could stand up for himself. Merlin shut the door and slid down it with a groan. He could hardly sort out his feelings towards Arthur if there was something else going on.

But as a policeman, he knew he couldn’t let it go. He had to find out if Arthur needed his help or not. And maybe when that was out in the open, Merlin would be able to work out if Arthur needed him or not.

As Aithusa came padding up to him and licked his chin tentatively, Merlin sighed and scratched the dog behind the ears.

“What is he like, hmm?” He asked. “Back for a week and he’s found a way of making me want to get involved.”

Merlin could only hope he didn’t make things worse.


	6. Chapter 6

“All hail the conquering hero!”

Merlin grimaced as Gwaine’s loud voice floated across the changing rooms before he stepped through the door. He rolled his eyes as his friend came jogging over, slapping him heartedly on the back. Merlin shoved him away, smiling and shaking his head in amusement. He should have expected something like this. Freya had checked whether he felt fit to return to work. With his mind preoccupied with thoughts of Arthur, Merlin had wanted to return as soon as possible. Nothing calmed him down the way walking the streets did.

“Seriously, mate,” Gwaine stepped in front of him. His hands rested on Merlin’s shoulders and he looked his friend in the eye. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Merlin reassured. “Do you really think Freya would have let me come back if the doctor hadn’t cleared me first? It was just a bump, Gwaine.”

“The way those friends of yours were panicking when I got there, I thought your brains were spewing out.”

“Nice.” Merlin brushed Gwaine’s hands off his shoulders so he could move to his locker. Gwaine folded his arms and leant against the ones next to Merlin. There was a smirk on his face and eventually Merlin sighed.

“Fine, I bite. How were they acting?” He didn’t know his friends well enough. Were they old friends or new? Merlin thought perhaps they were a little of both. But it meant he didn’t know how they would react to seeing him knocked out.

“I might have exaggerated; they weren’t that bad. The blond though – he was almost beside himself. I thought he was going to take a swing at me when I tried to check you over and then he practically shoved everyone else out of the way when the paramedics arrived. Think he would have started a fight if he wasn’t allowed to ride in with you. Who was he?”

Merlin felt the colour flooding his cheeks. There had been worry in Arthur’s eyes when he had come around in the hospital, but he never realised he would have scared the man that much. Nor did he remember Arthur being the type to over-react. He didn’t have the chance to answer Gwaine before the man caught sight of his flushed cheeks.

“You’re kidding me.” Gwaine started laughing as he stared at Merlin. “That was him, wasn’t it? That was your own Prince Charming… That was Arthur?”

Merlin nodded, not trusting his voice to confirm Gwaine’s suspicions. Judging by the laughter coming from the man, he didn’t need to. Gwaine had figured it out.

“I thought he was married?”

“He is,” Merlin muttered. He tried not to think about the scene at the hospital. Gwen had promised Morgana would be on the case and Merlin knew he risked making everything worse until someone else confirmed his suspicions – Arthur’s marriage was not a happy one.

“Merlin, mate… Between that, what happened at the reunion and him turning up at your house that night… I think you’ve got a chance.”

“There is no chance, Gwaine. He’s married. What sort of future will that be even if I gave in and let him know how I still feel?”

Gwaine’s face fell and he squeezed Merlin’s shoulder in sympathy. Arthur hadn’t given him any sign yet that he cared for Merlin more than a friend. It was the same at school – they messed around physically, not with emotions. Not until it was too late to act upon them. Merlin had to know Arthur cared for him more than just sex before he let himself say anything.

“He was really worried for you though, mate,” Gwaine murmured softly. “That has to count for something.”

“I guess,” Merlin said despondently. He finally was able to change and was just about ready for duty when Freya arrived to dish out the schedules for the day. To Merlin’s surprise, neither he nor Gwaine were given an area. The other teams headed out and the two men exchanged confused looks. They didn’t speak until the room was empty and then Freya beckoned them forward.

“My office.” She turned and walked out, leaving a confused Merlin and Gwaine following in her wake. Her office was only down the corridor though and Gwaine shut the door behind him as Freya sat neatly down.

“Do you remember the Serp’s case last year?”

Gwaine looked blank but Merlin ran a hand through his head. “The time we were called out to stop an ex-husband getting violent?”

Freya nodded and Merlin’s heart gave an uncomfortable throb. He told himself it was because of the case, but his thoughts had instantly drifted to Arthur.

“Mrs Serp is having trouble making a restraining order stick. She had to call us out again last night. It seems Valiant is refusing to stay away and intimidating any lawyer she tries to hire against him. She’s running out of options.”

“And you’re telling us this because..?”

“You were the two that arrested him. More than once if I remember rightly. I’m telling you because if he is happy to intimidate lawyers, then there is no telling what he is capable of. I want the pair of you to watch each other’s backs.”

“Always do, ma’am,” Gwaine said. There was nothing but seriousness in his voice and Merlin smiled. He knew his friend meant it.

“All units have orders to arrest him on sight, we’ve got enough evidence of harassment to at least be able to bring him in. But unless some lawyer is able to make a court listen and get a restraining order in place, there is very little we can do. Just keep your eyes open, boys.”

Merlin tuned out as Freya told them where they were patrolling that day. It was only Gwaine grabbing him by the arm and pulling him out that meant he even left her office. Gwaine pulled him out of the building before realising that Merlin wasn’t paying any attention.

“Merlin? Earth to Merlin? You with me, mate?”

“What? Oh yeah… C’mon, let’s get out there.”

Merlin was aware of the suspicious look that Gwaine gave him. But his friend didn’t say anything and instead went to get the car. Merlin waited for him, his mind racing as thoughts tumbled over themselves. He knew the idea currently running through his head was ludicrous. He certainly wasn’t going to mention it to his friend in case Gwaine took it the wrong way. But he remembered the night they had arrested Valiant Serp that previous year. He was a brute of a man and Gwaine’s black eye had taken a long time to heal after that encounter. Merlin didn’t want anyone else to go through that again if he could help it.

He knew he was quiet for the entire time that they were out on patrol. He spoke when Gwaine started the conversation and he did his job well. But his heart wasn’t in it.

“Alright, what is it?” Gwaine eventually said. They were waiting on a corner, knowing youths liked to hang around here. Their presence was working in order to deter them – it had been the same spot they had waited in for weeks now. Merlin knew they were probably encouraging them to hang around elsewhere, but this was his area and he wanted to keep it safe.

“What’s what?”

“You’ve been quiet all day. You’ve got that far away look in your eye that tends to suggest you’re scheming something. This is something to do with the Serps and what Freya said, isn’t it?”

“Maybe,” Merlin admitted. Gwaine knew him too well to outright lie to his friend. But Merlin was reluctant to say anything until he knew his idea had a chance of working.

“Don’t worry, Merls,” Gwaine said gently. “You know if he even thinks of coming after us, we’ll make him regret it.”

Merlin forced himself to smile. Gwaine hadn’t guessed what he was thinking.

 “I know,” he said. “Ignore me. Long day. Guess my head is hurting me more than I thought.”

“Do you want to go back?”

“And miss your charming attempts to flirt with every female who walks past? No thanks.”

Luckily, Gwaine’s mock indignation at Merlin’s words broke the awkward tension been steadily settling between them. Merlin didn’t want to lie to Gwaine. But he knew the man wouldn’t approve – he would say Merlin was emotionally attached. But there was something about this case that made Merlin feel Arthur wouldn’t say no. Not if Merlin was right about what was happening in his own marriage. And maybe if he realised Merlin would be there to support him…

Merlin stopped himself there. There was no point getting carried away when he didn’t know if Arthur would even see him. So he forced himself to smile and tried to act normal for the rest of the shift. If Gwaine sensed how hard his heart was pounding with nerves, he at least didn’t mention it again.

MMM

Merlin pressed the bell, hearing it echo several times around the huge house in front of him. It made it sound empty and hollow. The posh car on the drive reassured him that not only had he got the right place, but that Arthur was home as well. He smoothed down his shirt anxiously, deciding now that dressing up for the occasion had been a bad idea. He wanted to look official and formal – he was there about work, after all – but what if Arthur got the wrong impression and thought he had dressed up just for him. Merlin hadn’t – had he? He wasn’t sure.

His doubts getting the better of him, he turned to walk back down the drive. He shouldn’t have come here. He should make an office appointment if he wanted to go through with this scheme…

“Merlin?”

Merlin turned and was rooted to the spot. Arthur had opened the door, surprise flickering across his face when he saw who his visitor was. He was dressed in clearly expensive jeans and a white shirt that was only half done-up. But what made Merlin’s heart truly flutter was the fact his feet were bare and his hair damp. Arthur clearly hadn’t been home long.

“I didn’t mean to intrude…” Merlin said meekly, not daring to take a step forward. Arthur shook his head.

“You’re not. Viv’s out with some friends. How are you feeling?”

“Fine. I wanted to thank you again for the other night…”

“Don’t mention it.” Arthur’s hand tightened momentarily on the door and Merlin knew what he was thinking of. He clearly meant for Merlin not to mention it, not wanting a reminder of how his wife had reacted. Merlin ran a hand through his hair. It wasn’t often he was lost for words.

“Oh…Come in.” Arthur suddenly moved, dropping his hand from the handle so he was no longer bracing his body across the doorway. He stepped back, gesturing for Merlin to enter. Merlin did, toeing off his shoes and trying not to let his mouth drop at the grandeur of Arthur’s home.

“This is incredible,” he breathed. Arthur shrugged modestly.

“Vivian’s father contributed a lot.”

Merlin tried not to flinch. Was there any part of Arthur’s life that Vivian didn’t have a hold on?

“So…” Arthur obviously realised Merlin wasn’t about to say anything. “You didn’t come around just to thank me for the other night. You could have called for that.”

“I don’t think I’ve even got your number.”

“I’m sure Morgana would give it to you. She’s getting good at snooping around in my life.” Arthur’s words were a mumble and Merlin wondered if Arthur had intended to speak. But guilt twisted in his stomach. Arthur’s sister had obviously taken to heart Gwen’s plea for her to check that Arthur was alright.

“I’m sure there isn’t much to snoop around in,” Merlin said. It was a half-hearted attempt to get Arthur to admit everything. He wasn’t surprised when it didn’t work. They stood hesitantly in the hallway for a moment before Arthur cleared his throat.

“Come through. Can I get you a drink?”

“I’m fine.”

Merlin followed Arthur through to the living room, trying not to obviously gape. Arthur gestured to a chair and Merlin sunk down into it. He clutched the file to his chest. Freya had thought he was mad when he had confided in her but realised they had nothing to lose. Merlin hadn’t wanted to tell her, but it was the only way he would have been able to bring the file with him. Arthur sat down opposite and leant forward.

“So what brings you here?”

Merlin, however, didn’t answer. Arthur’s shirt had slipped slightly as he moved and Merlin could see three scratches down the side of his neck and disappearing into his shirt.

“Do you have a cat?” He spoke without thinking about it. Arthur looked nonplussed.

“Excuse me?”

“Your neck.”

“Oh.” Arthur’s hand rose to his neck and Merlin could have sworn that Arthur flushed. It hit him like a solid blow. All of his suspicions about Arthur’s relationship with his wife and then he doesn’t think through something like that?

“It’s nothing,” Arthur dismissed. “I forgot a filing drawer was open at work.”

Merlin knew Arthur was lying to him. Arthur had never been clumsy. Nor had he ever been able to hide his true feelings from Merlin. They had too much history together for him to be able to start now. But it wasn’t why Merlin had come and if Arthur was dodging Morgana’s attempts to get to the truth, then Merlin knew he wouldn’t do any better.

Merlin couldn’t think of anything to say. Arthur’s eyes narrowed suspiciously.

“Why have you come here, Merlin?”

“Oh? Oh!” Merlin looked down at the file in his hand and blushed. “I need your help. Or rather, Mrs Serp does.”

“Who?”

Wordlessly, Merlin handed over the file. Arthur flicked through it with well-practiced ease, quick eyes taking in the important information. He sighed.

“I can’t take on a case for free, Merlin.”

“What?”

“It implies she’s having trouble finding a lawyer. I’m assuming it’s because of money?”

“It’s not.” Merlin said simply. He held Arthur’s gaze. “Her ex has managed to intimidate anyone she hires into either refusing to take the case or giving her bad advice.”

“So why have you brought it to me?”

“I didn’t think you would be that easily scared,” Merlin said softly. “You’ve never backed down from a challenge in the time that I’ve known you.”

Merlin meant when they were at school. But he had come to Arthur after thinking about how Arthur had reacted at the hospital. Arthur had wanted to help; wanted to do whatever it took to help Merlin. If he fought his cases like that, then Merlin knew without asking that he was good.

Everything about Arthur softened at Merlin’s words. His eyes, his posture… The tension drained away from him and he resumed reading the file, this time with more intensity. Merlin watched him. His eyes lingered over the curve of Arthur’s neck, the muscles he could see through his shirt, the way he bit his lip in concentration. Merlin blushed and looked away. Arthur had once pulled that face when he had been focusing on pleasuring Merlin. Now was not the time for the past to rear its head.

“Give her my number.”

Merlin jumped. He managed to control his blush just as Arthur shut the file and threw it on the table.

“Her number is…”

“She has to ring me, Merlin.”

“Why?”

“If he is intimidating people, he knows who she has hired. It could be he has bugged the phones. Tell her I’m interested and she can contact me on her own terms.”

Merlin realised that Arthur knew what he was talking about. He couldn’t stop himself from smiling when he realised his hunch had been right. Arthur couldn’t resist someone who needed his help.

“Thank you.” Merlin reached out to pick up the file, but Arthur rested his hand on top of it.

“Are you sure I can’t get you a drink or something?”

Merlin blinked, realising how blue Arthur’s eyes were. He couldn’t read Arthur’s expression. More than anything, that intrigued him. He thought he had always known what Arthur was thinking. The mystery was enough to make him nod and Arthur stood up. Merlin followed him through to the kitchen. It was state of the art, modern and barely looked like it had been used. Merlin knew he was slowly changing his mind about Arthur’s house. It might have been grand, but he wouldn’t switch it for his own.

His was full of life. Arthur’s felt cold.

He wasn’t looking where he was going as he stared at the shiny work-surfaces. He didn’t notice Arthur had stopped walking until he crashed into him. Arthur had already turned, a hand on Merlin’s hip stopping him from stumbling.

“Arthur…” Merlin breathed, not knowing what he was about to say. Arthur’s free hand cupped his cheek, his thumb brushing along Merlin’s lower lip.

“Yes?” Arthur whispered, moving closer. Merlin shook his head, dazed. He should be protesting but Arthur being this close to him felt right. This time, Merlin wasn’t full of anger and frustration. Some part of him had chosen to come here tonight rather than calling Arthur at work.

“Nothing,” Merlin muttered. Arthur smiled and his eyes lit up when he did so. Merlin groaned, knowing he was lost even as his hand folded around the fabric of Arthur’s shirt. He wasn’t sure who closed the distance between them but he was aware of his hands sliding into Arthur’s hair as their lips met. Arthur walked him backwards until the wall hit Merlin’s back. Arthur’s hands came to rest against the wall, penning him in.

But this time, Merlin had no intention of pulling away. He couldn’t.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year, everyone! Hope 2016 is magical!

The wall was cold behind his back but Merlin barely noticed. The heat coming from being this close to Arthur was making him feel giddy. His hands rested on the man’s chest, feeling Arthur’s heart thudding hard under his palms. He moaned, softly sighing into the kiss as he pulled Arthur closer. They slotted together. They always had done. Arthur’s hand hadn’t left his hip and Merlin could feel the hold tightening. He put out a hand to try and balance himself and Arthur took advantage of his movement to press closer.

“A-Arthur…” Merlin mumbled. He pressed against Arthur’s chest, forcing a small amount of space between them. Arthur tried to chase the kiss, but Merlin turned his head slightly.

“What is it?” Arthur was flushed, his eyes wide. Merlin thought he looked utterly fuckable and had to glance away to stop himself from giving in and pulling Arthur close again. But looking around helped remind him of what he wanted to say.

“This is your house,” Merlin muttered. “The house you share with your wife…”

Arthur shut his eyes before looking around himself. Then his hand came up and caught Merlin’s chin, pulling him into another kiss. This one wasn’t as heated, but soft and gentle. It was the type of kiss that Merlin had always dreamed coming from Arthur and had never thought he would experience. When Arthur pulled away this time, he was smiling.

“You know things aren’t right with Vivian,” Arthur said quietly. His hand remained at Merlin’s chin, his thumb brushing across his cheek tenderly. “You’re the one I want. Ever since the reunion, I haven’t been able to stop thinking of you. I thought it would be fine. But seeing you there… fuck, Merlin, I need you back in my life.”

Merlin had told his mother, Gwaine and Will that he could handle Arthur. That if the man wanted him back, he was going to have to fight for it and prove that he wasn’t about to break Merlin’s heart all over again. But it was easy to say when he hadn’t believed he would ever see Arthur again. Hearing him say those words, feeling his hands on him… Merlin grabbed hold of his shirt again, kissing him like he was drowning.

Arthur’s hand slipped up his shirt and Merlin gasped at the contact. Arthur’s hand spread out across the base of his back, solid and grounding as he held Merlin against him. His lips left Merlin, tracing a path down his neck that had Merlin’s head thudding back into the wall. He winced as it caught the tender spot on his head, but then all thoughts were driven from his mind as Arthur’s teeth grazed his skin.

That was when the front door banged.

Merlin’s eyes snapped open as Arthur froze.

“I thought you said Vivian was out?”

“Shit,” Arthur breathed, his breath hot on Merlin’s neck. Merlin felt as if a bucket of ice-cold water had been thrown over him, dousing his passion. He gently untangled his hands from Arthur’s hair (not even remembering how they had ended up there in the first place) and twisted his head to one side so he didn’t have to look at Arthur’s expression. His back felt cold as Arthur’s hand disappeared.

“You want me but you’re not ready to tell her that?” Merlin guessed. Arthur looked so lost standing there in his own huge kitchen that Merlin took his hand.

 “It’s alright.” It wasn’t. But he couldn’t tell Arthur that. “I’ll go. Just if you want this… You have to talk to her, Arthur.”

“I will,” Arthur whispered. Merlin wasn’t sure if he imagined the man trembling or not. It could have been the blood pounding through his own body. Arthur cleared his throat and looked around. “Behind here.”

Merlin followed his gestures and found himself pressed against the wall behind a large fridge. He heard Arthur moving towards the kitchen door.

“Viv? Is that you?”

There was no verbal answer but the sound of heels clattering through. Merlin risked peeking around as Vivian flicked off her shoes. Arthur ran a hand through his hair, clearly realising how much Merlin had already messed it up and trying to cover that up. But before Merlin could look away, Vivian had crossed the kitchen. Her fingers slid into Arthur’s hair as she pulled him down to kiss her. Arthur did as she wanted, but Merlin couldn’t stop looking at the way his hands hung loosely by his side. Arthur had just proved he hadn’t changed; he liked to hold the one he kissed. That apparently didn’t extend to his wife.

“I wanna go to bed,” Vivian whined. She drew back, but her fingers remained locked in his hair. “Take me to bed, Arthur.”

“I’ve got work to do tonight, babe,” Arthur muttered, making some wild gesture towards the lounge where the file was. “Merlin asked…”

“Merlin,” Vivian scoffed, tossing her hair. “Merlin this, Merlin that. That’s all you talk about. Now come up stairs and make love to your wife, Arthur Pendragon.”

Merlin felt his eyes widen. Did Arthur really talk about him? But before he could draw back to his hiding place, Vivian had linked her fingers with Arthur’s and was proceeding to pull him from the room. He offered no resistance. But before he left, Arthur twisted back and caught Merlin’s eye.

“Go,” he mouthed, stumbling after his wife. “I’m sorry.”

There was nothing Merlin could do but wait until the couple had vanished. He wished the ground would open up beneath him. He wished he hadn’t come here. He heard footsteps on the stairs and waited a little longer to be sure.

Whatever was going on between Arthur and Vivian, Merlin knew that he had to let Arthur handle it. Arthur had to tell her. But that meant Merlin could do nothing but give it a moment before creeping across the kitchen. The hallway was deserted and he ran swiftly and silently towards the front door, easing it open. Picking up his shoes, he didn’t dare wait around to put them on but instead continued in just his socks. It was a miracle Vivian hadn’t seen them.

Merlin stepped out, shivering as the cool night air washed over him. He couldn’t stop himself from looking back into the house. It seemed quiet. But as Merlin made to back away, he heard it. The rhythmic thud of a bed moving. Merlin shut his eyes before closing the door, resisting the urge to bang it. He slipped his shoes on and ran without looking back.

Merlin had no idea how long he ran for before his heaving chest forced him to stop. He sucked in rasping breaths, leaning back on someone’s wall. Slipping down it, he hugged his knees to his chest and tried to process what had just happened. He had never thought that he was the type of man to sleep with someone who was married. He had principles. He had morals. But although he hadn’t slept with Arthur, Merlin knew full well where their thoughts had both been going. He wouldn’t have been able to resist him. He never had done.

But Arthur was married. Merlin knew nothing could happen until Arthur had spoken to his wife. It wasn’t fair on anyone. But as Merlin ran his fingers through his hair in frustration and tried to calm his pounding heart, he realised something else. He could have Arthur and it would be as good as it always had been. Arthur had made that much clear. But he would just have to overlook the man’s wife in the process.

Gwaine would tell him to follow his heart. His mother would tell him not to be an idiot. And Will… Will would remind him that Arthur had shattered his heart into so many pieces all those years ago that Merlin hadn’t been able to have a decent relationship since. He couldn’t tell any of them.

Merlin slowly got to his feet. He never would have thought hearing Arthur wanted him back would make him feel so wretched. Stuffing his hands in his pockets, Merlin walked off, his feet scuffing. Through luck rather than judgement, he had run towards his home. It would only take him a few more minutes before he could reach the sanctuary his house offered him.

The lampposts cast strange shadows across the pavement. Merlin kept his head down, his eyes tracing the light as he moved along. He felt like he had done something wrong. But was following his heart really that bad? Merlin knew the answer; yes. If it made him feel like this, then it wasn’t worth it.

But as his hand curled around the key in his pocket and his house came into view, Merlin suddenly knew who he could tell. There had been someone back at school who knew full well what they always did behind closed doors. She knew and had never judged them.

Merlin knew the only person he could talk to was Morgana. He was going to have to face Arthur’s sister.

MMM

For the second time in as many days, Merlin stared at the house in front of him and swallowed hard, wondering what he was doing. Before he could lose his nerve, however, he quickly pressed the bell. The door opened instantly – as if the person had been waiting on the other side – and Merlin jumped. Morgana beamed at him, gesturing for him to come in. She was talking on the phone and Merlin moved in, hesitating in her hallway self-consciously.

She had done as well for herself as her brother. Merlin was sure he remembered hearing something about her running a successful art gallery. It made sense considering the paintings lining the walls. Whereas Arthur’s house had been professional and almost cold, Morgana’s was vibrant and colourful. Her taste was good and Merlin started examining the paintings as he waited for her to come off the phone.

“I don’t really care what you have to do to get it, Leon. But I want it and I don’t want to be disappointed.” With those clipped words, Morgana hung up. Merlin stared at her in surprise. Morgana arched an eyebrow and he blushed.

“Leon?” He asked as a way of breaking the silence. Morgana smiled and there was something in her eye that made Merlin realise Leon was clearly more than a business partner.

“He’s picking me up a new collection. They want to send it to Italy, muttering something about galleries there. No piece of artwork is leaving this country without my say-so.” She flounced further into the house and Merlin followed. If anyone else had said that, he would have said they were exaggerating. But this was Morgana. He had never seen her fail at anything she had wanted to do.

“Take a seat. I’ll get some drinks.”

Merlin looked around the lounge. It was bursting with colour but was tastefully decorated. Merlin sunk down on the sofa, just about swallowing his yelp as he sunk back into it. It was deeper than he had anticipated and he was still trying to extract himself when Morgana came back through with a tray.

“Sorry.” She didn’t sound apologetic as she handed him a mug of tea. Merlin made it upright and grinned, aware that he was blushing.

“Been in worse tight spots with my job.”

“Of course. You’re in the police, aren’t you? Gwen told me about your accident.”

“Comes with the territory.” Merlin was aware she hadn’t asked how he was. Morgana clearly knew he wasn’t here to talk about a fight in a pub. She didn’t react to his statement and Merlin blew on his tea as a way of filling the silence.

Now he was here, he didn’t know what to say. He had asked Gwen for Morgana’s number and text her to ask if they could talk. Morgana’s response had been so quick Merlin half-expected that she had been waiting for him to get in touch.

When the silence stretched on, Morgana rolled her eyes as she tapped manicured nails against her chipped mug.

“For heaven’s sake, Merlin. I know you’re here to talk about Arthur. Caring for that idiot was the only thing we ever had in common. So come on, spill. What’s he done now?”

“Kissed me.” Merlin didn’t mean to say it so bluntly, but Morgana was right. The only thing they had ever properly talked about was Arthur, even if it was teasing him when they had all still been at school. Morgana looked impressed.

“About time he grew a pair after tiptoeing around for the last few years.”

“But…” Merlin cradled his cup in one hand and ran his fingers through his hair. “This can’t happen. Vivian…”

“Is a conniving bitch, I know.”

“But she’s his wife.”

“Not through Arthur’s choice.”

Merlin sat up straighter, staring at her. “What?”

Morgana looked at him steadily. “It was a one-night stand. Vivian played him, acted like she was in love with not his money but him. You know how Arthur feels about honour. He married her.”

“She doesn’t love him?”

“Love him? Arthur’s rich and he’s gorgeous. He’s her prize. She’s got her talons in him now and she won’t let Arthur go.” Morgana’s gaze dropped. “Arthur’s desperate for kids. She holds that over him and he doesn’t even realise.”

“That’s…wow.” Merlin couldn’t believe what he was hearing. It made sense though. Arthur had taken his wife to bed without a fight, after all. “Arthur’s always listened to you though. Couldn’t you-,”

“Not always.” Morgana was watching him steadily. “He didn’t listen to me when I told him to stop being such a prat and just ring you all those years ago.”

“Why didn’t he?” Merlin didn’t like thinking of that time. He could vividly recall the feeling on the train of realising he was in love with Arthur. Trying to ring, message and email him over the following weeks only to never get through to him.

“Uther.” Morgana had never referred to her father by an affectionate term since Merlin had known her. “I don’t know what he said to Arthur. But he must have said something that really got into Arthur’s head for him to give up you. You meant the world to him.”

“It was only ever about the sex for Arthur.”

“No, it wasn’t.”

“Morgana…”

“Don’t tell me I don’t understand, Merlin. I was the one that walked in on the pair of you more than once whenever Uther was away on business.” Her reproach was sharp and Merlin blushed when he considered the truth to her words. Morgana had seen more of him than half of his attempted boyfriends thanks to the compromising position he had always seemed to be in when she had walked into the room.

“Arthur had a look in his eye whenever you were around. It’s the only time I’ve seen him in love.”

Merlin shook his head. “It doesn’t matter.” It did. It mattered so much. If there was even a hint that Arthur had returned his feelings, then Merlin knew he couldn’t let it go.

“Merlin…”

“What matters is Vivian.” Merlin said firmly. That was why he had come here. He needed to know he wasn’t the only one suspecting what she was capable of. Now he knew the truth. Their whole marriage was based on a lie and he didn’t need to ask to know Arthur didn’t see that.

“He won’t leave her.”

“She hit him!”

“Arthur thinks if he ever left her, he would lose everything.” There was anger and upset in Morgana’s voice. For the first time, Merlin realised he wasn’t just talking to the one person who had known what they had meant to each other. He was talking to Arthur’s sister – the one who cared about him as much as Merlin did.

“He doesn’t see that his friends and family are there for him?”

Morgana shook her head. “Uther wouldn’t be. But Arthur and I… we barely talk these days. We haven’t since the wedding.”

Silence fell again. Merlin had come here to be told that he was imagining it, that Arthur was happily married and the best thing that Merlin could do was walk away because he was the only one who would get hurt. But now that wasn’t the case and he wasn’t entirely sure what to do. He should have thought about it before he had come here.

“What do I do?” He eventually muttered. Arthur could have come after him, could have called him, done anything all those years ago. Even if he had been in love, he had still let Merlin go. How could Merlin trust that he would talk to Vivian like he promised?

“You go to him,” Morgana said. Her eyes were shining and Merlin didn’t know if it was with tears or determination. “And you make him see he still loves you.”

“What if he doesn’t?”

“Trust me, he does. You make him see that and you win him back. Only then might he leave the bitch and I can get my brother back.”

“And if he tries to break my heart along the way?”

“Merlin…” Morgana lent forward and took one of his hands. “Whatever Arthur says that might hurt you… it hurts him worse knowing he did it. I know he doesn’t show it, but Arthur’s always cared too deeply. Even when we were at school. Trust me, it was never just about sex for him.”

Merlin sat back, letting Morgana’s sofa draw him in. Arthur hadn’t returned his calls all those years ago. But Merlin had given up after a few weeks. He hadn’t tried their friends to find out what was going on. He had let Arthur break his heart.

So maybe this time, it was his turn to fight for what he wanted. And if he could win Arthur’s heart back in the process, he couldn’t help but think they would all be better off for it.


	8. Chapter 8

The doorbell insistently ringing made Merlin grit his teeth. He stumbled from the lounge, tripping over dog toys on the way. It was late – at least 11pm – and he had been about to go to bed. He had work the next day and wanted a good night sleep before facing the barrage of questioning he knew would come from Gwaine about his weekend.

Kilgarrah padded quietly by his side and Merlin smiled. The dog was a reassuring presence, a comforting weight when Merlin felt as if he was going to float away. Aithusa almost fell over his own paws from where he bounded ahead, yipping excitedly. He wasn’t the type of dog to bark every time the doorbell rang, but his tail was wagging nineteen to the dozen and he barked happily when he reached the door.

“One moment,” Merlin called. He looked at the young dog, suspicion whirring in his tired mind. “Sit.”

Aithusa’s tail wagged harder and he scratched at the door.

“Sit.”

The young dog barked again and Merlin rolled his eyes. Awkwardly reaching over Kilgarrah, he snagged Aithusa’s collar and attempted to hold him back as he fumbled for the latch and opened the door. Aithusa tried to dart into the street and Merlin was too busy holding him back to pay attention to who had been attempting to break his door bell for the last five minutes. Kilgarrah gave a low rumble and Merlin looked up.

“Oh.”

Arthur stepped in, crouching in front of Aithusa. Merlin let go of his collar as he shut the door with a click. He slumped as he did so, leaning against the wall and fondling Kilgarrah’s ears.

“Sit.” Arthur said firmly. Aithusa’s behind hit the floor. “Good boy.”

“Traitor,” Merlin muttered half-heartedly at his dog before moving back to the lounge. He wasn’t going to invite Arthur further in. But he had never needed to invite Arthur. The man just came anyway. He always had done. Sure enough, Arthur followed him through.

Merlin sat and looked up to see Arthur had Aithusa in his arms. Merlin lifted an eyebrow.

“You do know coming home covered in dog-fur when you don’t have a dog might be a give-away you’re up to no good?” His voice was accusing and Merlin caught himself. He wasn’t going to win back Arthur by treating him like this. But he didn’t know why the man was here. Arthur didn’t look happy – he clearly hadn’t come over to tell Merlin he had left his wife.

“I’ll handle that.”

“Like you handle everything?”

“Look, Merlin, I came over here to apologise for the other night. Things got out of control. I shouldn’t have led you on like that, it wasn’t fair.”

“Led me on?” Merlin stood up as Arthur put Aithusa down. Kilgarrah flopped out across the rug but Merlin knew his dog was keeping an eye on what was going on. He stepped closer to Arthur.

“You didn’t. You wanted it as much as I did.”

“You’re a good-looking guy, Merlin. I can’t help being physically attracted to you…”

“Bullshit.” Merlin stepped closer. T time, he felt brave enough to rest a hand on Arthur’s chest. “I’m not talking about what your body was doing. I could see it in your eyes. You wanted me and not just for some fantastic sex. You wanted me because I’m me. You said it yourself you want me back. And now you’re telling me you were leading me on.”

“I’m married.”

“Don’t I know it,” Merlin muttered. He looked into Arthur’s eyes and took a breath. “You told me that I was the one you wanted. I won’t be your bit on the side, Arthur. Not after this long pining after you. I can’t do that to myself. But I also can’t be the one to talk to your wife. You have to do that.”

“If I lose her, I lose everything.” The confidence had gone from Arthur’s voice and he sounded uncertain. The fact he was echoing what Morgana had already said meant Merlin knew it was true. He lifted the hand from Arthur’s chest, resting it on his cheek instead.

“You don’t lose me.”

“I-,” Arthur’s eyes darted from his lips to back to his eyes. “I came here to apologise…”

“No, Arthur,” Merlin said gently. “Stop lying to yourself. It’s gone 11. You came here because you can’t get me out of your head. You came here because even pounding your wife didn’t reduce the amount you wished it was me.”

“Merlin…” His words were a groan this time and Merlin felt himself react at hearing Arthur say his name like that. It had been too long. Merlin’s hands lifted, the silky strands of Arthur’s hair slipping between his fingers. Arthur’s mouth was firm on his, the kiss desperate as Arthur closed the space between them.

It didn’t matter that Arthur was married. It didn’t matter that Merlin had been insisting that he wouldn’t put himself through this again. He had never been able to resist Arthur and he knew that despite ten years passing, Arthur was his weakness just as much now as when they had been at school.

Merlin walked them backwards until Arthur’s knees hit the sofa and he was forced to sit down. Merlin continued kissing him, but his hands worked Arthur’s jeans open, reaching inside as he did. He drew back just enough to look Arthur in the eye, who knew what the unasked question was.

“God, yes,” Arthur moaned. He lost all pretence at being here for something else and his legs shifted until there was space for Merlin to kneel between them. He did so, swallowing Arthur down at the same time. He was instantly transported back to school and the amount of times they had done this in the bathroom. His body twitched with memories of its younger self and Merlin moaned, making Arthur gasp.

It didn’t last long. Arthur’s eyes were blown and wide when Merlin pulled off. Merlin didn’t know what he intended to do, but he wrapped his arms around Arthur, holding the trembling man against him. Ignoring his body’s own needs, he stroked Arthur’s hair gently.

“I can’t leave her, Merlin,” Arthur whispered brokenly. His hand curled around Merlin’s wrist, gripping onto him like a lifeline. “But you’re right. I don’t want her. I don’t even love her. It’s you. It’s always been you.”

“Shh, Arthur,” Merlin whispered. He kissed the top of Arthur’s head. “I’m not going to push you into anything you don’t want to.”

 _I’m not her._ Luckily, he managed to swallow the end of his sentence, knowing it would break this trust between them. He wasn’t used to seeing Arthur vulnerable. Arthur had always been the one with the plan, one with the daring notions of where they were going to go next. Knowing that Vivian had done this to him made a flash of anger shoot through Merlin and his grip on Arthur tightened.

Arthur misinterpreted the actions. He carefully drew free of Merlin’s hold, standing up with his jeans by his knees as he gripped onto Merlin’s upper arms. Any rational thinking Merlin had regained was lost when Arthur pulled him forward. Merlin wondered if Arthur worked the way he kissed: with only one possible outcome. Merlin felt his knees go weak and he scrabbled at Arthur’s shoulders as the blond swallowed his moans.

“Bedroom,” Arthur whispered hotly in his ear. Merlin waved a hand vaguely at the stairs, wanting to protest that it was too far. But Arthur looped an arm around his knees and Merlin could only squawk as the man lifted him, holding him against his chest as he continued to kiss Merlin, walking him through his own house as he if owned it.

In a way – Merlin mused hours later, stroking his fingers through Arthur’s sweaty hair as the man finally came to a stop – he did. He had owned Merlin’s heart since school and considering how he had just pushed aside all of his morals in order to have Arthur’s skin pressed against his again, he had never relinquished that control.

He whined as Arthur pulled out, his feet unlocking from where they had been crossed over Arthur’s back. As his legs fell to the bed and landed splayed, Arthur glanced down and smirked.

“You always were insatiable,” he murmured. His voice was husky and Merlin shivered. This was going to be the only time – he couldn’t have an affair with a married man, regardless of what his heart was telling him. But if this was going to be it, then Merlin was going to make the most of it. He put a hand on Arthur’s chest and guided him back until he straddled the man, slipping his fingers through Arthur’s and bending down to kiss him again.

“I don’t remember you any differently,” he whispered, teeth grazing Arthur’s ear. His gaze roamed Arthur’s body and Merlin had to bite back a whimper. They certainly weren’t children anymore.

MMM

“I know, I know, I’m late.” Merlin almost slipped when he hurried into the changing rooms. He skidded to a stop next to his locker and hastily began changing. Luckily, the teams hadn’t yet been dispatched and although he was late, Merlin knew he had got away with it.

“I was going to ask what happened to you,” Gwaine commented. He leant against his own locker, arms folded across his chest and eyebrows raised. “But I think the better question is _who_ happened to you?”

Merlin blushed. So much for wanting to be awake to face Gwaine, he had barely got any sleep. Arthur had driven him to work and his hand had pressed to Merlin’s crotch just as he had been about to get out. Merlin had been a whimpering mess by the time he had practically fallen from the car, Arthur’s laugh ringing in his ears.

“I feel like I should be congratulating you on finally getting laid,” Gwaine continued. Suspicion lined his tone and Merlin hid his expression by pulling his shirt over his head so he didn’t have to look at his friend. “But why do I also feel I’m not going to approve?”

“You’re hardly one to talk,” Merlin muttered. His voice was muffled by the fabric and he wrenched it over his head before slipping into his uniform. “There’s nothing and no one you wouldn’t do.”

“I wouldn’t sleep with a married guy!” Gwaine protested hotly. Merlin glanced at him with an eyebrow arched. Gwaine shrugged. “Fine. I wouldn’t fall in love with a married guy.”

“I was in in love with him before he was married.”

“That doesn’t make it any better.”

“You can’t judge me, Gwaine,” Merlin said. His friend had a reputation for going after anything that moved. Gwaine held up his hands.

“I’m not. Honestly, I’m not. I’m just wondering when did you turn into the reckless “screw-first-think-later” type and I’m the cautious one?”

Merlin’s hands slipped on the buttons of his shirt. Gwaine was right. He had always been cautious with his heart, not letting anyone get close to him for fear they would break it. Arthur had done that to him. Now it seemed that Arthur was the one slipping back through the net and making Merlin open his heart (and his legs) without thinking about it.

“Merlin?” Gwaine’s voice was soft and Merlin looked up to find his friend had moved closer. “Just promise me you’ll be careful?”

“I am in the police just like you, Gwaine. I can handle myself.”

“Being able to physically defend yourself doesn’t mean you can’t get your heart broken. Besides, by the looks of you, it doesn’t look like you’ve got any virtue left for me to worry about someone stealing it.”

Merlin ran his fingers through his hair self-consciously. “Is it that obvious?”

Gwaine reached over and smoothed down an errant lock. “Only because I carry off that look.”

Merlin sighed, relaxing and smiling at the normal tone in his friend’s voice. He knew Gwaine wasn’t one to judge and understood why his friend would be alarmed by the change in Merlin’s behaviour. For all the years they had known each other, Merlin had only ever had one partner. For him to be acting like this was out of character to say the least.

“I’ll be careful,” he promised. Gwaine nodded, his eyes serious despite the teasing smirk on his face. But before either of them could say anything, Freya arrived and handed out the routes for the day. Merlin was glad he and Gwaine had a challenging one – a rough part of town where they would need to be alert all day. It would keep his mind off Arthur.

It worked. So did the pouring rain. When Merlin returned to the station for the fifth time with a youth cuffed in the back of his car, he was almost grateful for the few moments it allowed him to stay in the dry. Gwaine got their latest booked in and Merlin stretched, easing out a kink in his back. The kid had run and Merlin had definitely felt something twinge when he had finally tackled him to the ground. It would have been easier if his usual clumsiness hadn’t interfered and made him trip the second the kid had sprinted – he would have had had him in three steps if he hadn’t been picking himself off the ground.

It was Gwaine’s turn to escort the kid to the cells. Merlin took the chance to stand by the heater, staring glumly out into the rain and knowing this was only a brief respite. He was just daydreaming about the hot shower he was planning on having as soon as he got home when movement caught his eye.

A woman was entering the station, a large umbrella concealing her face from where Merlin was standing. But she was dressed elegantly and Merlin knew instinctively she was not here to pick up any of the troublemakers they had been delivering all morning.

“Cendred is expecting me.” The tone was clipped and polished and Merlin felt he had been pushed back into the rain without warning. Cendred was the station manager – an intimidating creep of a man. Merlin had always been grateful he never had to deal with the man directly. There was something about him that made Merlin shudder.

But it wasn’t Cendred receiving guests that had him stepping away from the window. He knew that voice.

Moving to the door, Merlin peered out. Sure enough, Vivian was handing her umbrella to a bewildered looking desk clerk and striding through the station without an escort. She knew where she was going; it was clear she had been here before. She was a lawyer, just like Arthur though. It was hardly surprising she was here to see Merlin’s boss then. But something didn’t feel right. With a quick check to make sure Gwaine wasn’t coming back, Merlin took the stairs two at a time and shadowed her up to Cendred’s office.

The door shut before Merlin could get there. He loitered around outside, but couldn’t hear anything. He turned to leave. Whatever business they were discussing had nothing to do with him and if the rumours about Cendred were true, Merlin knew he could be fired for even being in the corridor. He took a step away, knowing he had to mind his own business.

He might have been able to walk away if it hadn’t been for a breathy moan followed by a high pitched giggle. Merlin stopped. He looked back at the door. His heart was pounding and his hands were sweaty as he moved closer again. It had fallen silent again but as Merlin shifted, he realised there was a slight gap in the blind covering Cendred’s window.

Desperately hoping the occupants of the room were as occupied as Merlin believed them to be, he moved closer. By shutting one eye and tilting his head to the side, Merlin could just about squint through the gap. The room was dark, but as he adjusted to it, he sighed. Shutting his eyes, Merlin flinched as he realised what he had just seen was now burnt into his mind’s eye. Vivian splayed across Cendred’s desk. Cendred fucking her with a bored expression on his face.

Merlin stumbled back, feeling sick. He had to tell Arthur. But was he in any position to do so? After all, Arthur had slept with him; honouring their vows to be faithful was clearly not something either of them took seriously. Would Arthur even care if his wife was sleeping around? Merlin knew this wasn’t the first time – Cendred must have dropped his trousers the second she had walked in the door for them to be in this position already.

Merlin hurried back down the corridor and down the stairs before he was caught. He knew he had to tell Arthur. He had to be honest. He only hoped Arthur didn’t think that he was trying to find more reasons for him to leave his wife.

Gwaine still hadn’t appeared when he got back downstairs. Merlin wondered how quickly everything had just fallen apart on him. Leaning against the wall, he pulled out his phone and smirked when he saw that Arthur had put his number in. His thumb hesitated for a second before Merlin pressed the button and put the phone to his ear.

Arthur answered on the second ring.

_“Missing me already?”_

“Arthur…” Merlin didn’t know what to say. He didn’t feel like it was the sort of news he could just break over the phone, not considering Arthur hadn’t even gone home to his wife the night before. “I need to talk to you.”

_“Is this about last night? I haven’t had a shag that good since…”_

“No.” Merlin ignored Arthur. He knew full well their night had been about so much more than sex. But as per usual, neither of them seemed to be able to say it. “It’s about your wife.”


	9. Chapter 9

Merlin tried not to gape as he was led up a flight of stairs. The intern leading him looked excited and nervous at the same time as he knocked lightly on a closed door. Merlin heard Arthur bid them to enter and Merlin pushed open the door, nodding his gratitude at the boy. The intern managed a swift smile and fled as if the hounds of hell were on his heels.

“What do you do to your staff?” Merlin asked. Arthur looked up from a pile of papers on his desk. Merlin hadn’t been able to tell Arthur over the phone what he had witnessed. But as soon as Arthur looked at him, a smile lit up his features and Merlin swallowed at the flash of happiness he saw on Arthur’s face. He had done that. Just by being in the room. If that didn’t break his heart a touch more, than Merlin didn’t know what did.

“Merlin.” Arthur’s smile remained as he got to his feet, rounding the desk. He moved closer, leaning forward to kiss him. Merlin stopped him with a hand to his chest, ducking his head to one side. Arthur pulled back, his smile gone and a frown on his face.

“Not here,” Merlin said. “You work here. You said it yourself her father is your boss, anyone could see.”

“Of course.” Arthur ran a hand over his face. “I didn’t think.”

He stepped around Merlin, snapping the blinds shut across the window and turning the key in the door. Merlin knew Arthur was hoping for something more – despite Merlin having mentioned Vivian on the phone and his reason for being here. Merlin stepped away, moving until the chairs were in-between them and Arthur frowned at the distance.

“What’s wrong?”

“Arthur…” Merlin stared at the man. He had no idea how to tell someone their spouse was sleeping around while at the same time being the reason Arthur was doing exactly the same. “Vivian…she’s…. I saw her at the station. She’s…”

“Screwing Cendred, I know.”

Merlin stared. He suspected Arthur might have realised his wife was unfaithful, but to hear him say it in such a flat and cold tone, as if he didn’t care…

“You know?”

“Of course I know. I know about Alvarr and Odin as well. _And_ I know our gardener spends more time in my bed than in our garden.” Arthur moved and sat back down again. He looked completely exhausted.

“How long has this been going on?” Merlin sunk into one of the seats on the other side of the desk. Arthur shrugged.

“Since before we were married. I only found out after the honeymoon though.”

“And you stayed with her?” Merlin inwardly winced: when had he become such a hypocrite?

“This is my dream job, Merlin. She got it for me. The house is in her name. All of my so-called friends will disappear without a trace if she tells them to.”

If Merlin wasn’t mistaken, Arthur looked close to tears.

“She needs my name but the rest of our life… She owns me, Merlin. If I leave her, I have nothing. I have no one.”

“You have me.”

“Less than a month ago, I didn’t even know you lived in town.”

“What about Leon? The others?” Merlin pressed. Arthur shook his head.

“I didn’t want to go to the reunion. I hadn’t had contact with any of you, apart from Morgana, obviously. To see you all again, to be reminded of what I could have had…”

“She’s not your jailer, Arthur!” Merlin exclaimed. “So you lost contact. It happens. But we’ve all found each other again. We all still care about you.”

Arthur cleared his throat and looked down. “I’m not good at reaching out to people.”

Unable to stop himself, Merlin reached across the desk. His fingers closed around Arthur’s wrist and Arthur looked up.

“She can’t make us disappear. Only you can do that, Arthur. We’re here for you. We’re worried about you.”

“There’s nothing to be-,”

“I saw how she reacted at the hospital.”

Arthur’s mouth snapped shut. Merlin tightened his grip on his wrist. “You have nothing to be ashamed of. The decision is yours. But just know that I’m not the only one here for you if you want to move on.”

Arthur stood up and moved around the desk. His movements were so abrupt that Merlin didn’t have time to move before Arthur’s hand snaked around the back of his neck and applied just enough pressure to tilt Merlin’s face up to meet his. Merlin hadn’t come here for this. But Arthur’s kiss was just right and he couldn’t resist sliding his hands over the man’s shoulders, half-rising out of his seat before he realised what he was doing. Arthur pulled away.

“How can I confront her when I’m no better?”

“I…” Merlin had no idea what to say. He flushed, making to pull away. But Arthur tugged him back and Merlin’s foot caught on the chair leg. He stumbled, tripping into Arthur and his hands resting against the man’s chest as Arthur held him upright.

“How did you make it in the police?” Arthur teased. Merlin blushed.

“Shut up.”

Arthur put a finger under his chin, tilting his head up until Merlin had no choice but to meet his gaze.

“Make me.”

It wasn’t fair, Merlin decided afterwards. Arthur knew he had a hold on Merlin’s heart and that rendered him useless to resist as he surged forward and initiated the kiss this time. He forgot that they were at Arthur’s office, forgot that he had come here to tell Arthur about his cheating wife. It was as if being this close to Arthur made him forget to think at all, let alone dwell on morals that told him this was a bad idea.

He move backwards, hitching himself onto Arthur’s desk and pulling the man forward by his tie. It was exactly the same move he had performed when they were children, locked in a school classroom after the day had ended. The same forbidden thrill raced through Merlin’s body and he felt more alive than he had done for years.

“Arthur,” he whined into the man’s mouth. He could feel Arthur’s shoulders shaking and pulling back, Merlin stared at the fact Arthur was laughing.

“What is so funny?”

Arthur shook his head, leaning in for another kiss. But Merlin moved backwards, his hand again on Arthur’s chest.

“Tell me.”

Arthur stepped forward, but only so he could steady himself. His hands rested comfortingly on Merlin’s waist and Merlin tried to ignore how right it felt.

“I didn’t think I would ever see you again when you got on that train all those years ago,” Arthur admitted. “And here you are. Like the time never passed.”

“You could have returned my call, Arthur. No, no - stop kissing me until I forgive you, that isn’t fair…”

“Does that mean there is a chance?” Arthur murmured, trailing kisses up Merlin’s neck. Merlin tilted his head back to give him better access. His heart was thudding painfully. He had told himself never again, that he would never give Arthur that much power over him after he had broken his heart. But he had never considered he would be in this position, with Arthur willing to do whatever it took to be forgiven.

“Yes,” Merlin whispered, his hand sliding up Arthur’s back and into his hair. Arthur pulled back, looking him in the eye. Ill-conceived hope shone from Arthur’s expression and Merlin knew his morals were out the window, down the street and probably in the next town over.

It was one thing to remain moral when they were apart. But damnit, he was in _love_ and for once didn’t want to do what society said was right. He wanted to do what his heart said, for the first time in years.

“You mean it?”

Merlin nodded. He looked away, biting his lip. He shouldn’t do this. Arthur shouldn’t be doing this, he was married.

Merlin knew Arthur wouldn’t leave Vivian, not until he felt safe knowing other people were there for him. And until he did that, there was no future for them. He had the power to make Arthur feel safe, as long as he was prepared to open his heart to the man again.

“Just…”

“What?”

Merlin glanced between Arthur and the floor, uncertain. “Don’t leave me waiting too long.”

Arthur nodded, understanding that Merlin wanted more than this. But for now, he surged forward, capturing his lips again and Merlin didn’t stop him.

Nor did he stop him when Arthur untucked his shirt, his hands running over Merlin’s stomach and causing him to suck in sharp breaths as tingles raced through his body. He didn’t stop himself when he pulled off Arthur’s tie before starting on the buttons of the man’s shirt.

And he didn’t stop anything when Arthur laid him back over the desk. He didn’t even care he had come here to tell Arthur his wife was doing the same thing. For the first time in years, he was being selfish. He wanted Arthur and Arthur was there for the taking, despite being married. Merlin had had enough of being good and heartbroken, for following his morals and being lonely as hell.

This time, what he wanted, he was going to have. And if that just happened to come in the form of Arthur Pendragon, then so be it.

MMM

The phone ringing startled Merlin out of sleep. He fumbled for it blindly, only to find himself more and more entangled with Arthur the more he moved. Eventually, Arthur caught his hands in his own, rolling over and kissing him leisurely.

“Good morning,” Arthur purred. Merlin lifted an eyebrow, waiting for his lover to catch on to what he had just said. It took Arthur a second, then he sat bolt upright. “Shit! It’s morning.”

“How observant,” Merlin teased. He finally found the ringing phone and his face fell. “It’s yours anyway. It’s your wife.”

He rolled over as Arthur grimaced apologetically. Merlin pulled himself out of bed and began dressing. Two months they had been at it, sneaking around like they were teenagers all over again. And still Arthur hadn’t said anything. Merlin felt sick whenever he saw or heard Vivian’s name, knowing she still stood between him and his happy ending. But it wasn’t her fault. Arthur still hadn’t told his wife that he wanted to leave her. Merlin hadn’t pressed – he didn’t want Arthur to resent him for it in the future – but he was growing tired. He wanted to tell the world he was in love, and he couldn’t.

He left the bedroom while still pulling on his shirt, ignoring the feeling of Arthur watching him. It had been fun to start with, but Merlin knew they couldn’t keep going the way they were right now. He tuned out, feeding the dogs rather than listening to Arthur talking on the phone and only glanced around as Arthur came hurrying in, running his fingers through his hair.

“Let me guess; you have to go?”

“Is something wrong?” Arthur paused from where he had started putting on his shoes, glancing at Merlin. Merlin made to shake his head, but then stopped himself.

“Are you ever going to tell her, Arthur?”

“You know I will.”

“When?”

“When the right moment comes.”

Merlin sighed. He turned his back and ran a hand over his face. “Arthur… you know she isn’t going to let you go?”

He couldn’t help think about what Morgana said. Arthur was Vivian’s prize and while she had a hold over his life, everyone involved – including Arthur – knew he wouldn’t pull away. Merlin couldn’t blame him; he knew how terrifying it was to believe you’d be left with nothing. But if two months hadn’t proved to Arthur his friends would never abandon him, then Merlin didn’t know what would.

“We’ll talk later.” Arthur moved, his hands sliding around Merlin’s waist. He kissed his cheek. “I promise. We’ll talk about this. But for now I do have to go, something has come up at work.”

Merlin nodded, not turning back again as Arthur left. Considering both Arthur and Vivian had been known for bouts of passion while at work rather than their actual jobs, Merlin had to wonder if work was a genuine excuse or not. He stopped his thoughts there. He was getting clingy and whiny and Arthur would go back to Vivian completely if Merlin didn’t snap out of it.

Merlin waited until the door banged shut before he rested his palms on the counter and let his head hang. He drew in a deep breath even as his fingers scrunched. He tried to relieve some of the tension he could feel working its way across his shoulders, but to no avail. Squeezing his eyes shut, Merlin jumped when his phone rang. His hand searched blindly for it but he opened his eyes again to look at the screen as he drew it close. He bit back a groan.

“Hi, Will,” he said. Merlin tried to force his voice to sound calm. He had told Will about Arthur and knew that his best mate did not approve. Not because Arthur was married, but because he had broken Merlin’s heart once already. There was a pause on the other end.

“Will?”

“ _I’m coming over tonight.”_ That was all Will said before he disconnected. Merlin stared at the phone before shaking his head in bemusement and tossing it back onto the counter. He knew no amount of calling or texting would get Will to change his mind. He was more likely to arrive early and collar Merlin at work if Merlin tried to put him off.

Something nudged his leg and Merlin jumped. He looked down to see Aithusa with his lead in his mouth, tail wagging hopefully. He looked up at Merlin with such trust in his eyes that Merlin knelt down to fondle his ears.

“Yeah, buddy,” he said. “It’s time to go.”

His day at work dragged. The streets were quiet and Gwaine’s attempt to lighten Merlin’s mood didn’t work. He apologised to his friend before collecting the dogs and heading for home. He didn’t have any plans with Arthur and hadn’t heard from him all day. For the first time in two months, Merlin was glad about that. He knew he loved the man, but right now he needed some space to figure out what was going through his head. The thoughts mainly took the form of Vivian and Merlin hated it.

But seeing a light on in his house when he drew near made him smile. Will had a key, he had since the day Merlin moved in. When he said he was coming over, he often didn’t care if Merlin was in or not. But not returning to an empty house was what Merlin needed and he already felt more relaxed when he let himself in.

“Hello?!” He yelled, making sure he shut the front door before letting go of Aithusa’s lead. The puppy bounded away, the lead trailing in a streak of red behind him. Kilgarrah looked at Merlin – who nodded – before he padded off as well. Merlin heard Aithusa bark excitedly while he was still trying to toe his shoes off.

“Don’t give him anything!” He vividly could recall the last time Will had tried to spoil his dog. Merlin hurried through to the kitchen, only to stop dead.

“Mum?”

“Don’t looked so shocked, love.” Hunith straightened up from where she had been unclipping Aithusa’s lead. The puppy barked before scampering through to the lounge. Merlin heard Will laugh – indicating his friend had come as well.

“What are you doing here?” Merlin’s arms rose automatically as his mother pulled him into a hug. He felt her hand stroke the back of his hair softly and realised quite how much he needed her. He had been telling Arthur that it was going to be alright and that he wasn’t alone. But Arthur’s heart was not the only one on the line in this situation.

“Will told me,” Hunith said softly. Merlin tensed a little in her grip and she let go. One glance at her face meant Merlin knew that she knew –everything. But there was no judgement over the fact he had been sleeping around with a married man. She was the only one who had truly seen what Arthur’s silence all those years ago had done to Merlin.

“I don’t know what to do,” Merlin whispered brokenly. “I love him… I always have. But he won’t leave her…”

“Then you leave him.”

“I….”

“Hear me out, love.” Hunith guided Merlin to a chair. He smiled when she slid a mug of tea in front of him. It didn’t surprise him that she knew what time he would be home from work. “He knows you love him. But you can’t make this decision for him and maybe Arthur needs some space as well to work out what it is he wants? You two hadn’t spoken for years and now you’re…whatever you are doing.”

Merlin blushed when he thought about precisely what he and Arthur had been doing. It reminded him that no one else had been as good in the ten years they had been apart.

“I don’t want to lose him.”

“If he loves you too, then you won’t. And if he doesn’t love you… You can’t spend your life waiting for Arthur Pendragon, Merlin.”

Merlin nodded glumly, knowing that she was right. He stared into the depths of his cup. His mother kissed the top of his head.

“I think you just needed me to say out loud what you already knew, sweetheart. But it’s your decision.”

She left the room, leaving Merlin with his thoughts. The fact that Will didn’t immediately appear meant his mother had said something. Merlin wasn’t sure if that made it easier or harder. At least he had a friend here, someone who knew what Arthur meant to him without Merlin having to explain it over the phone. He didn’t want to be alone.

Without him being aware of his actions, Merlin pulled out his phone, turning it in a nervous gesture in his hand. He put it on the table, then picked it up again. He went to put it away. Then he sighed, scrolled through his contacts and once again dialled Arthur’s number with a lump in his throat and no idea how he was going to say what was going through his mind.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry this is so late, real life has well and truly got in the way lately, plus this chapter was an awkward one to write. Hope you enjoy it and thanks for sticking with me!

“Earth to Merlin?”

Merlin jumped at the hand waving in front of his face. He looked up and smiled guiltily. “Sorry, I was miles away.”

“I’ll say. What is going on with you? You’ve been acting off for weeks.”

Merlin hadn’t told Gwaine he had ended things with Arthur. As far as his partner was concerned, there was nothing to end. There had been a couple of meetings and that was it. He didn’t know how deeply Merlin had gotten involved with a married man. He should have listened to his head rather than his heart all along. All he had done was cause himself more pain.

But he knew that hurt had been showing. He told Arthur he wasn’t losing him forever, but that Merlin couldn’t do this until Arthur had spoken to Vivian. He told the man to not contact him until he was ready to move on. Arthur had tried calling a few times until he learnt Merlin meant what he said. It had now been a month since he had last spoken to him and Merlin felt like the teenager getting his heart broken all over again.

“Arthur?”

Merlin jumped again. Gwaine lifted an eyebrow at his reaction to Arthur’s name. “Well, that explains it.”

“I just…” Merlin ran a hand over his face as they walked out of the station. It was only lunch-time; they had been on duty since four am and the sun was shining brightly. Merlin tilted his head back to catch some rays and closed his eyes. By the time he next looked at Gwaine, the man was looking sorry for him. Merlin hated that expression and he scowled.

“We’re going for lunch,” Gwaine declared, seeing the look on his face. He grabbed Merlin’s arm and started marching him off.

“I have to get the dogs…”

“Gilli won’t mind keeping them until we get back,” Gwaine said. His grip didn’t relent and Merlin knew he had no choice but to let himself be dragged to the nearest pub. Gwaine didn’t say anything else until he had pushed Merlin into a chair at an empty table.

“What’s Arthur’s sister was called?”

“Morgana. Why?”

“Give me your phone.”

“Gwaine, what are you doing?”

“You either let me call her and she comes and explains what the hell is going on or I’m calling Will and I doubt that tosser will make you feel better, he’ll just get you drunk.”

Despite Gwaine and Will not seeing eye to eye, Merlin knew they both cared about him. He didn’t see how Morgana would help though. When he voiced that out loud, Gwaine gave him such a deep look that Merlin felt as if his soul was being examined.

“Did you ever find out why Arthur never returned your calls all those years ago?”

Merlin flushed as he purposely looked at the table-top to avoid Gwaine’s gaze. Despite being with Arthur for two months, he had never asked. It felt too much like a forbidden topic. When he had spoken to Morgana, they had addressed the issue at hand rather than what had happened back then. But Merlin wondered if Gwaine had a point. Would it make things easier to understand now if he knew what happened then?

Not trusting his voice, he handed over his phone and listened numbly as Gwaine made short work of telling Morgana who he was and why she needed to come to the pub.

“I’m guessing you ended it?” Gwaine said. He handed the phone back and Merlin looked up in surprise.

“No, he never…”

“Not then. Now.”

“I…”

“I know you’ve been seeing him over the last couple of months, Merlin.”

“How?” Merlin had been so careful not to say anything. After all, if Vivian was sleeping with Cendred, there was no telling how much information was passed on and Merlin hadn’t wanted to risk it.

“You’ve looked like you’re in love.” Gwaine said softly. Coming from Gwaine, that was a big thing and Merlin sniffed and looked back down again. This time, Gwaine led him brood in silence until the pub door was flung open and Morgana flounced in. Before she reached their table, Gwaine whistled softly.

“She’s a stunner.”

“She’s taken,” Merlin said. He was thinking of Leon and the looks that had passed between them. Gwaine pretended to look disappointed but both were saved from saying anything when Morgana sat down.

“What’s he done this time?” Morgana asked as a way of greeting. She ignored Gwaine, who took his cue to slip up to the bar. Merlin wasn’t sure if it was to get drinks or flirt with Percival.

“Nothing,” Merlin muttered. “That’s the problem. He won’t leave her.”

Neither of them needed to confirm what they were talking about. Morgana made an aborted movement, looking as if she was going to touch Merlin’s arm but thought better of it.

“Merlin…”

“Do you know why he never returned my calls?” Merlin didn’t see the point of waiting. Gwaine would only say something if Merlin himself didn’t. Morgana sighed.

“I’ve been thinking about that since you came last time,” she said softly. “No, I don’t. Uther took him to the country estate as soon as he got back from seeing you off. There’s no signal out there so he would have spent about a fortnight not being able to. When they returned… Well, I told you last time. Uther knew how to get into Arthur’s head. He knew how to make Arthur believe whatever he wanted.”

Merlin nodded, tracing his finger through a wet patch on their table. No doubt Uther would have said how Merlin would ruin Arthur’s future. That Merlin had never cared. He didn’t even know Uther had known about them back then. But if Arthur looked as in love as Morgana made him out to have done, then surely even his father would have seen something was different.

“If I don’t know why he broke it off then, how am I supposed to get him to fight for us now? Does he even want me or does he want to get back at Vivian for all of her affairs?”

“What?”

“Vivian has been sleeping around this whole time,” Merlin said. He looked at Morgana’s face. “You didn’t know?”

Arthur had said it in such an uncaring tone back at the office Merlin assumed his own sister would have known. But Morgana shook her head, anger flashing in her eyes.

“That bitch. I don’t know what she has got over Arthur…”

“His life? His future? Apparently his friends,” Merlin said with a bitter laugh. “You said it yourself; Arthur thinks he will lose everything if he leaves her.”

“Well that is stupid.” Gwaine slid into his seat and passed out the three beers. He had clearly been listening. “He would hardly lose you if he’s still screwing you and Percy said he met up with that Leon chap in here a few times since you all got together.”

“You asked Percival?”

“No one breaks your heart in front of me and gets away with it.” There was such conviction in Gwaine’s voice that Merlin grinned, feeling a lot better than he had done. Arthur was worried about losing everything, but Merlin had no such fear.

“So if he knows he has me and he’s been seeing Leon, then what is he so afraid of?”

“Uther,” Morgana said flatly. “He encouraged the wedding even though he knew Arthur didn’t love her. Arthur has always done what our father has said.”

“It’s not that.” Merlin spoke softly, mind wandering over everything he knew about Arthur and everything that had just been said. His thoughts were racing, pieces coming together. “I don’t think even Uther has enough of a hold over him now. Vivian has something over him.”

“What?”

“I don’t know. He works for her father. The house is in her name. Not to mention…” Merlin trailed off, suddenly not sure what he was about to say.

“What?”

He sighed, running a hand over his face. “You know my fears over Vivian abusing him, how she hit him?”

Both his companions nodded and Merlin shook his head sadly. “We’ve seen enough victims, Gwaine. It doesn’t matter if he will lose anything or nothing. If she has got into his head – especially if he was susceptible to it because of Uther – it will be in his psychology to do as he is told. Victim blaming and all that… The fear of what she could make him lose is enough. He won’t leave.”

Merlin looked at the table, tears burning his eyes. Why hadn’t he thought of it before? He should have got Arthur professional help, not played with his heart. If Arthur was under Vivian’s thumb and going through it believing he was alone…

“If I could just get my hands on that scheming…”

“You can’t.” Merlin suddenly felt exhausted. He had given Arthur a choice…and now he realised it had been an impossible one. Either that or he was wrong and Arthur loved Vivian enough to stay with her over Merlin. He ran a hand over his face and when he lowered it again, both Gwaine and Morgana were watching him. They had similar protective expressions on their faces and Merlin shifted uncomfortably.

“What?”

“Give me your phone.”

“Now what?” Merlin muttered, once again handing Gwaine his phone. Gwaine looked at him for a long moment before sighing.

“This time, I think Will might have the best idea. We need to get you drunk.”

“I’ll agree with that,” Morgana said, pulling out her own phone. Merlin smiled. He knew he wouldn’t drink enough to get drunk – he was on duty the next day, after all, so was Gwaine. But being surrounded by his friends was what he needed right now. He couldn’t help Arthur until Arthur asked for it. He didn’t protest as Gwaine started dialling.

MMM

The weeks turned into a month and then almost two had passed. Unlike when he had been a teenager, Merlin knew he couldn’t get hung up on Arthur in that way again. Merlin had tried to offer Arthur help, and had the phone hung up on him. Merlin knew that some part of Arthur had made his choice, and it wasn’t Merlin. He had to hope others would get through to Arthur and that the blond would realise Merlin was there as well if he wanted him to be.

He thought he was doing quite well. Staring around the small café where he had agreed to meet Gwen for lunch, Merlin tried to swallow his nerves. He knew that she would ask about Arthur. He didn’t want to talk about it. He just had to find a way of telling her that without hurting her feelings.

“Merlin?”

All of his doubts and worries disappeared as soon as he saw her. Merlin pulled Gwen into a hug, laughing at her startled expression.

“Sorry,” he said. “It’s just…wow, it’s good to see you, Gwen.”

He surprised himself with how much he had missed her. It had been so easy to talk the last time they had met up and Merlin knew his relationship with her hadn’t really changed since their schooldays. The smile on her face indicated she felt the same.

“You too. Shall we?”

Merlin gestured for her to lead the way. He was on duty later that afternoon so knew he would have to keep an eye on the time but it was the only day they could both do. Gwen took an empty seat and Merlin slid across the table from her.

“So,” he said. “How are you?”

He had been wrong. Gwen didn’t want to talk about Arthur. She didn’t even mention him. But then Merlin remembered how close she was to Morgana – another friend who was firmly back in his life now. He supposed Morgana had warned Gwen not to bring her brother up. Either that or Gwen was happier talking about Merlin’s life and what his plans were.

The time passed quickly and it was only the alarm going off on his phone that reminded Merlin that he still needed to get to work. He insisted on paying and Gwen walked out of the café with him. She touched his arm lightly.

“You should come over one evening. Lance is an amazing cook.”

“That would be nice,” Merlin said. Gwen smiled and she leant up to kiss his cheek.

“I’m so glad you went to that reunion,” she said. Merlin knew his smile tightened but he forced himself to relax. Gwen didn’t know that he had been cursing ever going and getting Arthur thrown back into his life. But there were benefits as well as heartbreak and he managed to keep the smile on his face.

“Me too.” To his surprise, the words felt genuine to him. He was still thinking about it when he arrived at the station and realised that despite regretting going, some part of him was glad that he had. It wasn’t just Arthur who had been thrown back into his life that night, but all of his friends. Realising that caused Merlin to sigh, feeling as if a great weight had been lifted from his shoulders.

He was in a good mood when he reached the station. Gwaine looked suspicious and Merlin couldn’t blame him. He knew he hadn’t been the best company lately. Their chatter was light-hearted as they changed for duty and Merlin knew once they were out on the streets, his friend would start grilling him about precisely what had him bouncing in such a way. For the first time in a while, Merlin didn’t mind talking about how he was feeling.

Unfortunately for him, he never got that chance.

“Merlin, Gwaine, take one of the cars and head to Brook roundabout. Immediately.” Freya’s tone was clipped and urgent and both officers knew it was important. They broke into a run, charging through the changing rooms and taking one of the squad cars. While Gwaine slipped into the driver’s seat, set the lights whirring and put his foot on the pedal, Merlin spoke into the radio to find out what they were dealing with.

“Someone got hit with a car just off the roundabout,” he reported, giving Gwaine the exact spot they were aiming for. “But eye-witnesses claim the car didn’t even try and swerve. We’re dealing with a potential hit-and-run at best by the sounds of it.”

“The victim?”

“Ambulance is on the way to the scene.” Merlin said stiffly, not wanting to think about they could be looking at a murder investigation rather than a car accident. Neither of them spoke as they whisked their way through town. Merlin stared out of the window, chewing on his lip as he did so. He knew it wouldn’t be their department if things did escalate, but he had a knot in his stomach about what awaited him when they arrived.

When Gwaine skidded to a stop though, Merlin felt his training take over. He had done this for years; he was good at this. Most days he enjoyed it, it was why he had refused to look at promotions. He wanted to be out on the streets making a difference, not stuck behind a desk the way Freya was.

The ambulance had beaten them there and another squad car pulled up seconds behind them. It didn’t take long for the police to make a perimeter, driving people back to give the paramedics space to work but making sure no witnesses left the scene. Merlin got talking to those at the scene, trying to find out what happened.

“The car was waiting for him,” an old lady said. She looked tearful and shaken, but also righteously angry. “Waited for him to step out. It was a green man, I’m telling you. The lights were red. He stepped out and this car roared its engine and shot towards him. The man didn’t stand a chance.”

“Where did he step out from?” Merlin asked, looking around the area. It was a busy junction; he could have come from any angle. The woman pointed and Merlin felt his stomach turn. He knew where they were. Arthur’s office was just down the road from where the victim had come from. He shook his head; Arthur didn’t matter right now.

“Did you get a look at the car?”

“I got the number plate.”

Merlin grinned as the woman handed him a piece of paper with some digits sprawled across it. He moved back to the car to radio them in. Drumming his fingers on his leg as he waited to see if there was going to be a match, Merlin looked around the scene. They had arrived in time to stop it from turning to carnage and he was proud at how calm everyone was. This was why he enjoyed his job.

_“We’ve got a match for the plates.”_

“Go ahead,” Merlin said. He snapped himself out of his muse and concentrated.

“ _And you’re not going to believe it. That car is registered to a certain Valiant Serp. Any idea who he was trying to intimidate this time?”_

“No,” Merlin said. “Thanks.”

He put the radio back but couldn’t ignore the nausea rising in his stomach. They were close to where Arthur worked. Merlin knew he often went for a walk during his lunch break. Arthur was handling the Valiant case, because of Merlin. And Valiant had a way of scaring people off when they were getting to close.

Merlin shoved back through the crowds, pushing his way through. He didn’t care who he bumped into. He had to see the victim, had to know that his imagination was going wild.

“Merlin?”

He ignored Gwaine, brushing past the man but aware he was following him. The paramedics were still crouched on the ground, working effectively as they stabilised the victim’s condition. Even as Merlin approached, they began to shift him over to the stretcher. Their faces were grave and Merlin saw the blood before he took in anything else.

But then his eyes focused on the blond hair the blood was matting.

“No.” he stumbled forward, needing to get a better look.

“No idea on identity?”

“No, he stepped out with nothing, not even a wallet.”

Merlin only just heard the words through the buzzing in his ears. The figure was still, covered in blood with his eyes closed. It was only the slight steaming of the oxygen mask that betrayed there was any life left in the victim whatsoever.

“Merlin, what’s wrong? You’ve gone deadly pale. Do you need to sit down?”

Merlin shook his head, stumbling backwards. He turned from the scene, but the image was burnt into his mind’s-eye. This was his fault. He had been so eager for Valiant to be put away that he had gone to the one lawyer he was sure wouldn’t back down from a challenge.

And now Arthur was fighting for his life even as the paramedics covered him with a blanket and moved swiftly towards the ambulance.


	11. Chapter 11

Merlin paced the corridor. He never took more than a few steps away from the closed door separating him from Arthur though. The doctors were still assessing him and Arthur had yet to regain consciousness. But Merlin wished more than anything he could be in there, to hear what was being said and make sure Arthur was comfortable.

“Merlin.”

“I’m fine,” Merlin said. His teeth were gritted and he glared at anyone that came close. Gwaine was leaning against the opposite wall. Despite his relaxed posture, Merlin knew the man was on guard, watching for any suspicious activity.

“We should go back to the station. Give our report.”

“Not until someone comes to relieve us. He needs to be protected.”

“I still don’t understand. Why would Valiant target Arthur? Was it to get to you?”

“No.” Merlin stopped pacing, running a hand through his hair and staring at Gwaine. He leant back against the wall, not sure how much longer he could support his own weight. “I took the case to Arthur. I didn’t think he would be intimidated. I never thought… this is…”

“Don’t you dare say this is your fault,” Gwaine snapped. He straightened up, strode across the corridor and took Merlin by the shoulders. “This is Valiant Serp’s fault and this time, we are going to get the bastard and make something stick. I promise. But you cannot blame yourself.”

“What if he doesn’t wake up, Gwaine?” Merlin whispered. Fear took hold of his heart and it became physically hard to breathe. “What if I’ve lost him and I never even told him that I still love him?”

Gwaine opened his mouth to respond, but before he could do so, the door opened. Two doctors came out, deep in conversation. Merlin took a step forward.

“How is he?” He hated the way his voice trembled. He was supposed to be trained to deal with hard situations. Yet right now, he felt he was barely holding it together. The doctors turned. One nodded to the other before walking off. The second came closer.

“You know I shouldn’t give out details,” the man began reluctantly. “But considering…”

Merlin could see the way he was eyeing up their uniform.

“He’s an old friend,” Gwaine said. “Knows Arthur’s medical history. Might be able to help.”

“I…”

“He’s also his lover.”

Merlin blushed as the doctor looked at him, but between that and their uniform – and the fact Merlin had been pacing the corridor for the last hour – meant he sighed and nodded. He swiftly gave them both a rundown of Arthur’s injuries but Merlin stopped listening after a few moments. There was a ringing sound in his ears and he felt his temperature rising. The only thing he had taken in was that Arthur was going to be alright. They needed to wait until he regained consciousness to be completely sure, but the scans were clear. Arthur had been lucky.

“Merlin?”

“Hmm?” Merlin looked up as a cup of water was pushed into his hands and Gwaine forced him into a seat. Gradually, Merlin felt his senses returning and he smiled in gratitude at his friend. He took a sip and breathed in deeply.

“He said you could go in,” Gwaine said. He rested his hand on Merlin’s shoulder. “Go and tell him, mate. While you can. Go and tell him how you feel.”

Merlin mutely nodded. Gwaine helped him to his feet and took the water from his hand. Merlin stumbled towards the room, carefully shutting the door behind him. He didn’t know if the beeps from the machinery monitoring Arthur helped break the silence or made Merlin hyper-aware of how close Arthur had come to being killed. He half-fell into a chair, but then dragged it closer to the bed.

“Arthur?” He began softly. He had no idea if Arthur could hear him or not. Merlin shuffled closer and rested his hand over Arthur’s unresponsive one. “Arthur, it’s Merlin.”

He felt like an idiot. For all he knew, Arthur had literally no idea Merlin was there and everything he said now he would have to repeat when Arthur was conscious. But Gwaine was right. He had to say it. Merlin cleared his throat self-consciously and began again.

“Arthur, I-,”

The door bursting open made him jump to his feet. The chair scraped noisily across the floor as Merlin pushed it back. But he didn’t care.

“What do you want?”

He didn’t care if he sounded rude. But unless Vivian proved that she was here for Arthur, then Merlin had no intention of being professional.

“The police said they sent protection and I get some love-sick puppy.”

“I-,”

Vivian waved her hand, cutting through Merlin’s protests. “I suppose you’ll do. Now, if any journalist gets this close, I need the story to show Arthur in a heroic light. Rescuing an old lady, that sort of thing.”

“He was targeted. He could have been killed!”

“I know. That’s why I asked for him to be protected. But that won’t do his name or the company any good if a story is leaked. We’re already having to rearrange his clients so no one is disappointed.”

The buzzing was beginning to grow in Merlin’s hearing again. Only this time, it wasn’t shock or relief. It was anger. There was no trace of concern in Vivian’s tone, nor in her expression.

“You’re worried about his reputation?”

“Are all policemen as slow as you? Yes. Make sure the truth is hidden; a Pendragon is not a victim.”

She turned on her heel and made to leave. Merlin took a step after her.

“Don’t you-,” he glanced back at Arthur. “Don’t you at least want to stay with him?”

“I have enough mess to clear up.” Merlin stared in shock. He had never met anyone so cold. She hadn’t even looked at her husband. Instead, she reached into her handbag, pulled out a small mirror and started checking her hair.

“Get out,” Merlin said quietly. His voice was vibrating with anger. Vivian looked at him in surprise.

“You don’t tell me what to do.”

“If you can’t even pretend to be concerned for his welfare, then get out before the newspapers hear about that.”

“Are you threatening me?”

“Take it how you will.”

“I’ll report you.”

“You do that. I’m sure Cendred listens to every word you say when you’re flat on your back.”

Merlin didn’t know he could be so harsh. Vivian appeared unruffled though and Merlin was reminded this was the woman who had trapped Arthur in an unhappy marriage. She took a step towards him, but then turned and barged out. The door banged loudly behind her.

Merlin sank back into the seat, his head in his hands. His flippant words might have just cost him his career. But he couldn’t find it in himself to care right now. Vivian was a monster and he didn’t regret making sure she left. Arthur needed someone who cared about him, someone who loved him, right now. Not her.

Merlin moved closer to the bed again. This time, he took a firmer grip on Arthur’s hand and held on tightly.

“I love you,” he said. His confrontation with Vivian had driven away any doubt. “I always have, even if I tried to deny it for all these years. I don’t know if you can hear me, Arthur. I don’t know if you feel the same. But I was a fool for letting you go, for thinking that someone could come between us. I don’t care – I don’t care if you don’t feel the same way. I just need you to know that I love you and all I want is for you to be happy, whoever you might share your life with.”

Merlin lifted Arthur’s hand, resting the back of it against his cheek for a moment as he closed his eyes. He had never spoken to anyone in that way before. Nor did he think he ever would again. It had always been Arthur, he knew that now. Seeing him lying like that on the street – lifeless for all Merlin knew – had made everything clear and Merlin knew there was no point in pretending anymore.

Breathing in deeply, Merlin tried to control his emotions as he focused on the feeling of Arthur’s hand against his cheek. If Vivian went straight to Freya, Merlin knew he wouldn’t be allowed anywhere near the hospital again. He had to savour this moment while he could.

To start with, Merlin thought it was his imagination. He opened his eyes, staring at Arthur’s still face. Arthur’s finger twitched again and his eyes rolled behind closed lids. Merlin had no idea if he was waking up or not. But deep down, he knew Arthur had heard him. He knew he loved him and somehow, that had been enough for him to start stirring.

Merlin knew if that wasn’t a sign, nothing was.

MMM

“…and as long as you have plenty of rest, I see no reason not to discharge you in a few day’s time.” The doctor flipped the paper over on his clipboard and once again attached it to the base of Arthur’s bed. Arthur smiled tiredly while Merlin tried to make himself invisible.

He knew he shouldn’t be here, but he couldn’t bring himself to leave. The one time he had tried, Arthur had fixed him with such a look that Merlin’s feet had locked to the floor.

“Thank you,” Merlin said. He knew Arthur wouldn’t. The doctor smiled, nodded and left, leaving the two of them alone. Merlin shifted. This had been the first time since Arthur had opened his eyes that it had been just them.

“So…” He began. But Arthur cut through him.

“I heard what you said,” he said bluntly. Merlin froze. Arthur lifted an eyebrow as he stared at him. “You can talk to me when I’m unconscious but not when I’m lucid?”

“I don’t know where to start, Arthur,” Merlin sighed. “I love you. I don’t regret anything I said, I won’t take it back and I won’t pretend otherwise. But… you are married. The choice is ultimately yours, as long as you are happy. But…”

“But what?” Arthur’s voice was soft. It was a vulnerable and sincere tone, one that Merlin had never heard come from the man before.

“But seeing you lying there told me I can’t keep doing what we’ve been doing. I can’t not have you in my life. Not without you knowing how I really feel.”

“You really love me?” Arthur said. Merlin looked at him and saw that Arthur was looking at the bed rather than at him. The back of Arthur’s neck was pink and Merlin smiled. This was Arthur without his walls, without the pretence it was just about their physical relationship. This was the side of him that had made Merlin realise he was in love all those years ago.

“Yes,” Merlin said simply. “I always have. But that’s not the issue here.”

“It’s not?”

“No. Do you love me?” Merlin knew he was being blunt. Arthur hadn’t long regained consciousness. But there was something about the softness to his tone that made Merlin realise this was the one time Arthur was actually prepared to speak with his heart, not his head. He never got the chance though. The door burst open before a word could escape him. Merlin tensed automatically, his training taking over as he prepared to defend Arthur.

He maintained that position when he realised it was Vivian again. She would have barely had time to leave the hospital before they would have called to say Arthur had woken up.

“You’re awake, good,” she said briskly. “Get up and get dressed. We can maintain privacy far better at home. My father will get someone in.”

“The doctor said I need to stay in for a few days.”

“Arthur, we can afford someone twice that man’s paygrade. You’ll be better at home.”

Merlin bristled but didn’t say anything. This wasn’t his fight. He looked at Arthur and saw that once again, Arthur was looking at the bed. But his shoulders were slumped this time and Merlin knew he was preparing to give in. The self-satisfied smirk on Vivian’s face showed she had seen the same thing.

“You would endanger his health just to maintain secrecy?” Merlin said. His voice snapped Arthur’s head back up. Merlin wasn’t sure what expression crossed the man’s face. It was a mixture of confusion and determination, the like of which he had never seen. But Arthur’s shoulders straightened and his head suddenly lifted properly.

“Get out,” Arthur said.

“You heard him,” Vivian sneered. “You’re not welcome here. You never have been. Leave.”

“Not him.”

Silence fell and Merlin was sure both Arthur and Vivian heard him gulp.

“What did you just say? That blow to your head must have really addled you, Arthur. Come on, sweetie, just get out of the bed.”

“No. The doctors said I should stay here. So I’m staying. But I don’t want you here. I don’t want you anywhere near me. It’s over.”

“Arthur…”

“You’ll find the divorce papers on your desk on Monday morning.”

“You can’t do this.” Vivian’s voice was like ice and she took a step towards the bed. Merlin shifted his weight though, making it clear he wasn’t letting her get within arm’s reach of Arthur. She stopped, looking between them.

“I’ll have the locks changed by the time you’re released. You’ll have nowhere to go.”

“He can come with me,” Merlin said. He looked to Arthur. “Or to his sister’s. Gwen and Lancelot have a spare room or I’m sure Leon wouldn’t mind. He has plenty of places to go.”

“Stay out of this,” Vivian spat. “You’ve done enough damage.”

“It’s not him,” Arthur said. He sat up straighter in bed but winced as he did so. “I should have left you long ago. I shouldn’t have married you. I know that now. I thought I was doing the right thing, the honourable thing. But I’ve taken cases to court for less than you have put me through and I was an idiot to let it continue. We’re done.”

“Arthur…”

“No. Get out. There is nothing you can say that will make me change my mind. I don’t love you. I never have. You’ve never loved me either.”

Vivian looked like she was going to say something, thought better of it, turned on her heel and left. As soon as the door shut behind her, Arthur curled in on himself, his breathing erratic. Merlin moved around the bed, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder.

“Arthur?”

“Did you mean what you said?” Arthur didn’t look around as he spoke and his voice was trembling. “That I could stay with you?”

“Yes. Of course. Or the others if it is too awkward…”

“No.” Arthur rolled over and sat up. Determination made his eyes glint and Merlin felt something tighten in his chest over how much love and respect he had for this man.

“Arthur…”

“I should have left her long ago. But in a way, it is about you.”

Merlin didn’t know what to say to that. Arthur, however, wasn’t finished.

“I never loved her. I think it’s because I never stopped loving you and she could never take your place.”

“What are you trying to say?”

“Honestly, _Mer_ lin,” Arthur teased, finally smiling. “Do you want me to spell it out? I love you.”

Merlin let out a sound somewhere between a sob and a laugh, surging forward to kiss Arthur. His hands snaked into the man’s hair, holding him close but being mindful of the fact he hadn’t long regained consciousness after being hit by a car. Arthur shifted, trying to support his own weight so he could free up his hands. But an accelerated beeping noise drew Merlin’s attention and he pulled back with a laugh.

“You’re going to have all the nurses rushing in here in a minute,” he said, nodding towards the monitors. He tried to move to a more comfortable position but soon found that Arthur had latched onto his hand. Arthur blushed when Merlin looked pointedly at their entwined fingers.

“I just thought, well, that…”

Merlin leant forward and pressed a lingering kiss to his forehead. “I promise I won’t ever leave you. I love you.”

“I won’t either. Leave you, that is. Not again. Not this time.”

“There will be time for that,” Merlin said soothingly. He could see by Arthur’s face the man was trying to explain himself, although whether it was to excuse their absence from each other the last few months or the last ten years, Merlin didn’t know. Nor did he care right now. He slipped onto the bed next to Arthur, sitting against the wall and stretching out his legs. It only took Arthur a few seconds to shift position and rest his head on Merlin’s chest.

“What’s your favourite colour?” Arthur suddenly asked. Merlin stared at the top of his head, wondering if the blow had done more damage than the doctors had let on.

“What?”

“We spent our school years fucking in every room we could. But I don’t think we ever spoke about stuff like that.”

“Yours is red,” Merlin said promptly. “Although don’t ask me how I know that. But…blue, I guess.”

“Favourite animal?”

“What is this, twenty questions?”

“I just left my wife for you, answer the questions.”

“Prat.”

“Idiot.”

“Mine,” Merlin whispered, gently pressing a kiss to the top of Arthur’s head. Arthur suddenly twisted in his grip until he could kiss him properly.

“Yours,” Arthur agreed.

Merlin smiled. It suddenly didn’t matter that Vivian could go to Freya, or that he could get fired over how he spoke to her. All he cared about was the man in his arms. It was all that mattered.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long to post. Thank you to everyone who has read and enjoyed this, I really appreciate it! Hope you enjoy this final chapter!

Merlin’s jaw cracked as he yawned loudly, turning the key in his lock. As soon as he opened the front door, Kilgarrah came padding up to him, head tilted to one side.

“What are you doing up?” Merlin asked. The dog’s tail wagged once, then he padded back through to the lounge. Merlin smiled. He knew what Kilgarrah wanted. He hadn’t warmed to their guest even after all this time, not the way Aithusa had. The older dog wanted Merlin in the lounge because that was where Arthur was.

Toeing off his shoes, Merlin moved through, fondling Kilgarrah’s ears on his way past. He didn’t immediately say anything though as a warm feeling blossomed in his chest and Merlin thought he might choke if he tried to speak.

Arthur was sitting on the floor, bare feet against the radiator and his laptop balancing on his knees. Aithusa was stretched out beside him, fast asleep. Arthur’s hand was petting him gently and Merlin wondered if he was even aware that he was doing it. He was dressed in a faded red t-shirt and loose pyjama bottoms and Merlin didn’t think he had ever seen him look so gorgeous. He took a step into the room and Arthur looked up.

“Hi,” he said.

“Hey. What are you still doing up? It’s late.”

Arthur glanced guiltily at his laptop. “Working. New case so figured I would try and get ahead while I waited for you to get home.”

“Arthur…”

“What? It’s Saturday tomorrow and neither of us have to get up.”

“I like the sound of that,” Merlin said. He stepped closer, dropping to his knees and wrapping his arms around Arthur’s neck, pulling him in. “Have I told you how sexy you look with your glasses on?”

Arthur blushed, pulling them off and putting them to one side before returning Merlin’s embrace.

“I guess it’s good I never went for contacts then. How was work?”

“Long. Boring. Have I mentioned I hate doing lates?”

“A few times,” Arthur murmured, stealing a kiss. Merlin hummed and returned it. He might complain, but he didn’t really mind. Six months of being on the night shift was his punishment for talking how he did to Vivian when he was still technically on duty. Freya had to be seen doing something, but Merlin knew the investigation into what Cendred really got up to in his office meant the focus hadn’t been on Merlin. Vivian tried to argue his punishment, until she found herself investigated as well. No one could blame them for having an affair; it wasn’t a crime. But when rumours started about it compromising cases they had both worked on, things became serious and Merlin’s rudeness was forgotten.

Three months into the night shifts and Merlin still got a thrill when he realised he wasn’t coming home to an empty house. He missed patrolling with Gwaine, but seeing Arthur waiting up for him made it worth it. Arthur had come back to his after the hospital…and never left. For all of Vivian’s threats, her father only cared that Arthur was a diligent worker and Arthur’s job was secure – it always had been.

Merlin made to pull Arthur closer, but his stomach grumbled as he did so. He blushed and looked down as Arthur chuckled fondly.

“You go and get showered, I’ll find the menus.”

“Where’s open?” Merlin whined as Arthur pulled away. Arthur didn’t answer, but rummaged in a drawer until a menu was in his hand. It was for Merlin’s favourite and he pulled a face of longing.

“I love you.”

“Go shower,” Arthur said with a grin. Merlin scampered off, aware that Kilgarrah was watching him in betrayal. Merlin knew his dog would come around. It was impossible not to fall for Arthur.

He quickly cleaned up and went back to the lounge to find Arthur playing tug-of-war with an awake Aithusa. Merlin scooped up his dog and put him in his basket.

“It’s past your bedtime,” he told the puppy before looking back at Arthur. He was flushed with laughter and when he rolled over, a strip of skin showed from where his t-shirt had ridden up. Merlin was on the floor like a flash, his hands snaking into Arthur’s hair as he pulled him in for a kiss. He hadn’t seen him all day – Arthur having gone to work while Merlin was sleeping off a late night – and he felt like he deserved this.

Arthur awkwardly shifted until he was leaning back against the sofa with Merlin resting between his legs. Merlin didn’t care they were making out exactly the same way they had done all those years ago. It felt right.

“Are you getting my dog excited when he should be asleep?” Merlin scolded, one hand on Arthur’s chest as he tried to catch his breath. Arthur smirked, looking up at him through his eyelashes and lust shot through Merlin.

“I’ll get you excited when you should be asleep,” Arthur murmured. Merlin rolled his eyes and batted him fondly before sliding his hand into Arthur’s pocket and pulling out his mobile. Straddling him so Arthur couldn’t move, Merlin placed their order. They had done this enough times that he knew what Arthur liked. Arthur’s hands on his hips and his thumbs brushing against his stomach under his own t-shirt sent butterflies through Merlin and he wasn’t sure how he kept his voice steady.

They were kissing almost before Merlin had hung up.

“We’ve got twenty minutes,” he muttered huskily and Arthur grinned.

Merlin was topless and he didn’t even want to think about what his hair looked like when he opened the door to the delivery man twenty minutes later. The man grinned, raised his eyebrows and wished Merlin a pleasant night in a tone that was far from innocent. He was still bright red when they dished out the food and he was leaning back comfortably on Arthur as they ate.

Some rubbish was on television but neither of them were watching as they demolished the food. Merlin put his plate down the side of the sofa and yawned. Arthur’s arms came around him, his large hand spread across his stomach as he rubbed it gently.

“Better?” he murmured. Merlin smiled, reaching up to cradled the back of Arthur’s head and run his fingers through the man’s hair absently.

“Much.”

“I was thinking,” Arthur continued. He paused for Merlin to make some scathing remark, but Merlin was too comfortable and sleepy. “I don’t think I’ve ever felt this domestic.”

“Is that a bad thing?” The alarm shooting through Merlin made him jolt awake. He tried to sit up, but Arthur easily kept him down. He thought the sex the last few months had been their best yet, but what if Arthur didn’t feel the same..?

“No, you idiot,” Arthur said. His lips brushed against the back of Merlin’s neck and Merlin relaxed. “But I was married for five years and I’ve never felt this content. I’ve only been here a few months and it was like those five years never happened.”

“Don’t you miss your big house? Your grand bed?” Merlin asked quietly, his fingers idly drawing patterns up Arthur’s arm. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Arthur shake his head.

“What’s a big bed if there isn’t the person you want in it?”

“So you prefer my bed?”

“When have I not? But I have to admit, I do prefer it with you in it.”

“So to make you really happy, I should be in it right now?” Merlin twisted and looked Arthur in the eye as he spoke. There was no denying the glint taking place of the sleepiness and Merlin knew this was what they had been building towards ever since he had realised Arthur had waited up for him.

“I think that would be a very good idea,” Arthur said, his voice low. Merlin cupped his cheek, drawing him in for a deep kiss before he climbed awkwardly off the sofa and headed towards the stairs.

“Then come on, lover,” he said, holding out his hand. “Let me make you happy.”

Arthur didn’t need telling twice. Merlin didn’t even want to know what the time was by the time Arthur’s breathing finally evened out and he fell asleep, his head on Merlin’s chest. Combing his fingers through Arthur’s hair and pushing it back from his sweaty forehead, Merlin pressed a lingering kiss there.

“I love you,” he whispered. Arthur grunted and shifted in his sleep, wrapping an arm around Merlin. That was all Merlin needed; to know that Arthur wasn’t going to let him go again. He had already lost him once and nearly a second time. Never again was he letting the man disappear from his life.

But this time, he didn’t feel like that would be too much of a challenge. Arthur appeared perfectly content where he was right now.

With a smile on his face and peace in his heart, Merlin fell asleep.

MMM

“Arthur, come on! We’re going to be late!”

Merlin sat down abruptly in the middle of the stairs, knowing that trying to hop down them while putting on his trainers was not going to work well. Arthur appeared at the top of the stairs.

“And whose fault is that?” He teased as he shimmied past Merlin and continued through to the lounge. “Have you seen my phone?”

“I think it’s down the back of the sofa.”

“What’s it doing there?”

Merlin grinned at the incredulity in Arthur’s voice. He thought it was a natural place to be considering how Arthur’s trousers had come off the night before. Then he shook his head and firmly put the thought from his mind. He did not need to think about last night right now, not when his spontaneous dragging of Arthur into the shower was the reason they were running late in the first place.

With his shoes finally on the right feet, Merlin hurried down into the kitchen and made sure the dogs had everything they needed for the few hours they would be out. Arthur followed him through, turning down Merlin’s collar and smoothing his hair while Merlin topped up the water bowls.

“How did you ever manage without me?” Arthur teased when he finally had Merlin as presentable as he was ever going to manage. Merlin pulled a face.

“Apparently I didn’t.”

“Well, that,” Arthur said, spinning him around. “Was my fault and I promise to make it up to you.”

“Not right now, we’re late!” Merlin kissed him on the nose and darted away before Arthur could come after him. He thought after this long together, things would have slowed down between them. If anything, they had only heated up more and Merlin wasn’t sure he had ever felt so happy.

Both his mother and Will had expressed their concerns over him being back with Arthur, until they had seen them together and knew that nothing they could say would make Merlin change his mind. Given how ashen Arthur had gone when Will had pulled him to one side for a private chat, Merlin got the feeling his best friend had been rather descriptive what he would do if Arthur hurt him again.

Merlin made it to the front door and opened it before Arthur called him back.

“Forgetting something?” Dangling from Arthur’s fingers were Merlin’s keys. He grimaced and pocketed them.

“You really need to get another spare cut,” Arthur said.

“One spare is enough. It’s just not in the house right now.”

“Then where is it?”

“I dropped it into town yesterday in order to get another cut. To get yours cut.”

Arthur stopped, grabbing his wrist and stopping Merlin from walking off. “Seriously?”

“We can’t keep hiding the spare key behind the plant pot so you’re not locked out. If you’re living here, Arthur, it’s only fair you have your own key.”

“And when were you planning on telling me?”

“It was supposed to be a surprise,” Merlin said with a pout. “I was going to give it to you with breakfast in bed.”

“This is just as good,” Arthur said. He wrapped an arm around Merlin’s waist and kissed his cheek. “Thank you.”

“My pleasure. Now we need to move, we’re really late.”

“Morgana will be later,” Arthur reassured as they finally set off towards the pub. Merlin grinned. Since leaving Vivian, Arthur had managed to rekindle his relationship with his sister and Merlin knew they met up at least once a week for lunch if they could fit it in. Arthur had put on a little weight and there was a sparkle in his eye that Merlin couldn’t believe he hadn’t noticed was missing when they had first re-met. Arthur had truly left Vivian behind, especially now the divorce was over. Merlin slipped his hand into Arthur’s, smiling to himself when he didn’t feel his wedding ring brush against his finger. Arthur was his now.

They walked in a companionable silence as they neared the pub, at ease with each other’s company enough to not need to speak. Arthur opened the door and held it for Merlin to enter first, but Merlin didn’t let go of Arthur’s hand as he ducked inside. Arthur laughed as he was yanked through the door but Merlin made a beeline for their friends rather than listening to Arthur’s complaints.

“You two are so cute,” Gwen squealed. She jumped up, giving them both a hug. Lancelot tugged his wife back down so Merlin and Arthur could sit, but there was a smile on his face as well. Arthur looked around the table and then smirked at Merlin.

“See, not the last.”

Merlin pulled a face, but was secretly relieved. It meant no one questioned _why_ they were late. Instead, those questions were aimed at Morgana when she entered a few minutes later, Leon with her. Merlin caught Arthur’s gaze and grinned. It seemed they weren’t the only couple finally being honest about how they felt about each other. Leon blushed when he caught Arthur’s pointed gaze, but he made no move to deny it.

Once everyone was sat down, Gwen beamed around the group.

“I never thought we would all be here together like this,” she said. There was genuine happiness in her tone and Merlin took Arthur’s hand under the table. He gave it a squeeze and smiled when Arthur returned the gesture.

“One year on,” Gwen continued. “Some of us stayed in touch after school. Some of us didn’t.”

Arthur tensed and Merlin squeezed his hand again. He felt Arthur relax again next to him, but no one else seemed to have noticed.

“But none of that matters anymore. A year ago we all staggered into a reunion and had our lives changed forever.”

“I’ll drink to that,” Arthur said. He lifted the beer in front of him and everyone followed suit. Merlin wondered who had guessed what everyone would be drinking. As everyone drank, Merlin glanced around the table. A year ago, he had Gwaine, Will and his dogs. He had spent years going from one failed relationship to another, no one ever quite being good enough because they weren’t Arthur.

Now here he was. He had a strong group of friends who he knew had his back and he was living with the man he loved. He had no idea what the next year was going to bring, but Merlin knew things could only get better.

“I have an announcement,” he said. Arthur looked at him, startled. He knew Merlin’s news, but Merlin hadn’t mentioned he planned to tell the others. If he was honest, Merlin hadn’t realised he wanted to until right now.

“I’m taking my sergeant’s exam at the end of the month.”

The table erupted in cheers and Merlin almost face-planted the table when Leon slapped him heartedly on the back. Arthur helped him sit back up again and Merlin grinned as his friends expressed their congratulations. It had felt like the right thing to do, although he was never going to forget the stunned expression on Freya’s face when he had asked to be put forward. But Merlin had been walking the same beat for years now, and he knew he was ready to take the next step.

“I’m proud of you,” Arthur whispered in his ear. Merlin would have blamed it on his drink, but he had only had a sip. But he pulled Arthur’s drink out of his hands, cupped the man’s face and drew him forward into a deep kiss. Morgana made a disgusted noise, but everyone else was smiling when they drew apart. Gwen wiped her eyes until Lancelot drew her into his arms. Merlin blushed when his senses caught back up with him, but Arthur’s hand on his thigh revealed the man hardly minded.

As the afternoon drew on, Arthur’s hand crept up his leg. By the time Morgana admitted that her and Leon were together, Merlin was ready to leave. He wanted to take Arthur home and show the man precisely where he belonged now. The look on Arthur’s face indicated that he was after the same thing and they made their excuses. The rest of the group made signs of moving as well and Merlin slipped his hand into Arthur’s as they made their way outside.

“So a year ago you stumbled back into my life,” Arthur said. Merlin grinned.

“More like you entered mine, I was trying to hide until you walked into the loos and wanted a blowjob.”

To his delight, Arthur blushed. “I didn’t mean for that to happen. But just seeing you there… you looked so hot dressed up like that.”

“You think I looked hot?”

“I still think so,” Arthur murmured. Merlin pulled his partner close, wrapped his arms around Arthur’s neck and kissed him. He couldn’t help it. A year ago, Arthur had re-entered his life.

In a year’s time, Merlin had no idea where they would be. But he was ready for it.


End file.
